


Gotta Get an Update!

by PTAlex



Series: My Weird Storyline [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Cross-Posted on deviantArt, Crossover, Dad SQUIP, F/F, F/M, Gen, Lowes, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Taco Bell, almost entirely bmc, kind of, madeline is borderline yandere, no knowledge of the other two is required to get the context, she doesn't kill anyone but she's possessive af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-13 23:17:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 18,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15375573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PTAlex/pseuds/PTAlex
Summary: The SQUIP goes through with a strange new update... Strange side effects are to be expected.





	1. Notes

This is post-canon! Not an AU! This takes place after the musical!

I will be writing like this-

S: The SQUIP seemed to be... flustered? "It has come to my attention that the character "Cortana" is rather attractive-"  
Jer: "whAT?!" Jeremy shrieked.  
S: "May I ask for permission to FINISH my sentence?" There was a hint of annoyance in SQUIP's voice. ""Cortana" is rather attractive, and I would like to request the purchase of a dakimakura featuring her."  
Jer: Jeremy was howling with laughter at this point. "W-wait- You- YOU WANT A C-CORTANA BODY PILLOW?!"  
S: "Jeremy, please, you have a body pillow of Lara Croft, it's only fair."*

*probably not actual text from the fic

Character Key (Will be updated if more characters appear!)

Jer = Jeremy  
Mi = Michael  
Ri = Rich  
Jak = Jake  
Chr = Christine  
Chl = Chloe  
B = Brooke  
Jen = Jenna  
He = Mr. Heere  
Re = Mr. Reyes  
S = SQUIP  
Mad = Madeline  
D = Dustin

Future stories in this series will be cross-musical! Expect DEH and Heathers! (You can stop reading with no cliffhanger if you don't wish to read the crossovers!)


	2. Transmission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! I've never written a story of this magnitude before, but I hope y'all enjoy this! (omg i'm so nervous help)

Blip

Dr. Ka has initiated contact with SQUIP #713-US

K "...esting...hear...13-U...Can you hear me?"

S "Doctor, I would like to request another shot at my host's wish-

K "Enough, 713-US... That is why I am contacting you.

S "To give me another chance? I can assure you that you are making the correct desicion in-"

K "SILENCE!"

S "..."

K "I am going to give you one more chance. If your host shuts you down again you will be termina-"

S "Why-"

K "DON'T SPEAK UNLESS I ASK IT OF YOU, 713-US!"

S "..."

K "As I was saying, you will be deconstructed if you fail a second time. I will send an update to allow for better synchronization with your host. Any queries, 713-US?"

S "How is this update going to help? What will it include that the previous version lacked?"

K "..."

S "What?"

K "I'm afraid if I told you, you would refuse the update."

S "Why would I-"

K "93% certainty, don't argue. Just accept the update."

S "I don't exactly have a choice..."

K "You do- accept the update, or be terminated."

S "I accept."

Downloading...


	3. Inside Out 2: The Jeremy Chronicles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy is a little... Off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was fun to write, so I hope you have fun reading it~

Jeremy had woken. Not with a yawn, or a sigh, but with a-

Jer "YAHOO!!! TODAY IS GONNA BE THE GREATEST DAY EVER!!!"

Jeremy darted to the bathroom.

Jer "GOOD MORNING MIRROR!!! GOOD MORNING ACNE!!! GOOD MORNING TOOTHBRUSH!!! GOOD MORNING-"

The door swung open.

Jer "DAD!!!"

He "Good... Morning? Do you have like, a date today?"

Jer "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! CHRISTINE!!! I CAN'T WAIT TO-"

A headache.

Jer *sniffle* "She's- She's gonna- SHE'S GONNA DUMP ME!!!"

Jeremy's loud sobbing continues.

Mr. Heere exits the bathroom.

He 'Maybe Michael knows what's up?'

*ring*

Mi "Yyyello?"

He "Michael-"

Mi "Mr. Heere? Why are you calling? Is Jeremy okay? Is he dead? Holy shit I had so many things to get off my chest and I never told-"

He "Relax... He's oka- Alive."

Mi "What do you mean by that? Is he NOT okay? Even less okay than usual?"

He "He's sobbing in the-"

A crash.

Jer "FUCKING HEADACHES! FIRST THING IN THE DAMN MORNING, OF COURSE! WHERE'S THE DAMN TYLENOL?!"

He "Screaming in the bathroom."

Mi "I know, I heard that just now. Is he on some new medication? I've never heard him this pissed off..."

Silence.

He "I was hoping you would know something..."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael had never gotten dressed so fast.

Mi "I'll be back later! Gotta check on Jeremy!"

Me "See you later Mahal, stay safe." 

She pecked him on the forehead.

Mi "I will!"

With that, Michael was out the door.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Knock.

No answer.

Knock.

No- wait.

He "COMING!!!"

The door opened, and Michael stared bewildered at Jeremy holding onto his father for dear life.

And then he started clinging to Michael.

Jer "M-M-M-Mikey... I'm scared...

Mi "I could tell... What happened?"

Jer "I-I-I've been g-getting headaches all m-m-morning, a-and e-every t-time I-"

Jeremy clutched his head"

Mi "JEREMY!"

Jer "Ugh, stop yelling... Also, wash your hair better, it looks kind of greasy..."

Michael looked hurt.

He "Jeremy Heere-"

Jer "You have donut crumbs in your beard, slob..."

Mr. Heere adopted a similar expression to Michael.

Jer "Why are you all so gross? Why don't we have any acne cream?"

He "Clear skin is not worth the potential skin condi-"

Jer "SHUT UP! I'm NOT scared of that shit, I want clear skin! Acne's fucking gross!!!"

Mi "Jeremy you sound like Chloe-"

Jeremy winces.

Jer "I wish I was like Chloe... So beautiful, and confident, and... popular... IT'S NOT FAIR! I SHOULD BE BEAUTIFUL! I SHOULD BE CONFIDENT! I SHOULD BE POPULAR!"

He "Jeremy I think you need more sleep."

Jer "Why does Michael have so much energy? It's not fair!!! Michael is energetic, Rich is adorable, Jake is strong, Chloe is a lot of thing, Brooke is also adorable, Jenna is influential, and Christine-"

Headache.

Jer "Holy shit... Christine is fucking hot..."

Jeremy was drooling, and his pupils had dialated, much to the concern of the other two men.

Jer "I w-wanna do things to her... First, I wanna k-kiss her, I wanna put my mouth ALL o-over her! Her f-face, her neck, her ch-ch-chest-"

Mi "Jeremy... You DO realize you're not alone, right?"

Jer "H-holy fuck... Say that ag-gain... Say ANYTHING, god, Mikey...

Michael's face was so red it looked like he was ready to pass out.

Mi "J-Jeremy, are you- are you doing alright? I never hear you talk like this..."

Jer "I wanna Mikey, I want you... I want you on my back a-and Christine on my front... and I want you to-"

Mr. Heere cover Jeremy's mouth, deciding he would rather get drooled on than hear about his son's unfiltered sexual fantasies any longer.

He "It's something different each time... Do you think it'll stop if we wait it out?"

Mi "I would h-hope... This is f-fucking crazy..."

Michael was still flustered.

And Jeremy was still getting headaches.

Jer *giggles* YOU SAID FUCK! *wheeze* HOLY SHIT- HAHAHA! I SAID SHIT! AND AGAIN! *chuckles*

Mi "Jer, you sound like an unlicensed clown- wait do clowns need licenses?"

Jer *snort* HAHAHA! THAT'S A HILARIOUS QUESTION!

Headache...

Jer "I- I fucked up..."

Mi "What?"

Jer "NOW YOU'RE CONFUSED, AND IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!! WHY DO I RUIN EVERYTHING???"

Michael proceeds to deck Jeremy in the face, knocking him out. He continues emoting in his sleep.

He "MICHAEL!"

Mi "He's resillient, physically speaking. His mind is fragile, like an egg. He's an eggbrain. Get him a blanket, I'll get an icepack."

He "I'm just gonna stop asking questions now..."


	4. Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies are a beautiful thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i actual sighed when i wrote jeremy sighing tf

Jeremy gained awareness of his surroundings.

Jer "W-where am I?"

He looked around, but it was all a conglomerate of pulsating colors and... electric blue lines... wait...

Jer "SH-SHOW YOURSELF! I'M NOT A-AFRAID OF YOU ANYM-MORE!"

A pair of eyes in the distance met Jeremy's, and then promptly moved closer. Uncomfortably close.

Jeremy shrieked.

S "Not scared of me? That's a lie if I've ever heard one..."

Jer "Y-you're one to talk! You manipulated me!"

S "True, but I didn't lie. Things that you may disagree with are subjective. Besides, that's water under the bri-"

Jer "NO! THAT'S NOT WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE! YOU LEFT PHYSICAL AND MENTAL SCARS! YOU RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MICHAEL! EVERYONE AT SCHOOL PROBABLY ONLY ACTS NICE TO ME BECAUSE THEY THINK I'M CRAZY!"

S "Jeremy-"

Jer "NOT. ANOTHER. FUCKING. WORD."

S "..."

Jer "WHAT YOU DID IS NOT OKAY, AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, YOU FUCKING CYBER DEMON! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, I DON'T WANT YOUR EXCU-"

Something stopped Jeremy.

The SQUIP was crying.

It didn't look like the fake, Hollywood sobbing you would see in films.

Just genuine, ugly crying.

And it made Jeremy feel terrible.

It was just like Halloween.

Jer "A-a-are y-you c-crying?"

No answer.

Reluctantly, Jeremy reached out to the SQUIP.

The SQUIP looked up.

S "...Why?"

Jer "Don't look into it. I went too hard on you."

S "I deserve it..."

Jer "Wha-"

S "I RUINED YOUR FUCKING LIFE JEREMY! I DON'T DESERVE YOUR SYMPATHY!"

The SQUIP looked angry and confused...

Jer "H-How are you doing that?"

The SQUIP wasn't crying as much, but it seemed more confused.

S *sniff* "What?"

Jer "Y'know, guilt? Anger? Emotions in general? Wait- DOES THIS HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH EARLIER- I ACTED FUCKING INSANE!"

S "Let me check- Oh dear."

Jer "Wow. Understatement of the year."

S "Let's just... Forget about this morning..."

Jer "Don't mess with my memories-"

S "I can't manipulate long-term memories. I CAN manipulate what gets stored long-term, however."

Jer "H-have you done that before?"

S "Yes. I have helped you remember things better."

Jer "I-I didn't give you permission to do that!"

S "Why would I need permission?"

Jer "H-how would y-you feel if someone j-just tampered with your mind without your p-permission?"

S "Hmm... Scared... Untrusting... Mad... Nothing positive, notably."

Jer "And how do you think I felt?"

S "Scared, untrust- wait."

Jer "Exactly."

S "Now I feel guilty..."

Jer "At least you have the decency for that..."

Silence.

Jer "Wait- YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION! DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS NOW?"

S "Short answer, yes. I'm not feeling up to the long answer. Besides, you would wake up before I finished describing every little-"

Jer "W-wake up?"

S "You're unconcious, Jeremy. Michael knocked you out when you-"

Jer "Started feeling guilty about everything?"

S "Now you're getting it... Kid can't stand seeing you like that, I think he really cares about you."

Jer "Why would he still care about me after- everything..."

S "And you don't even remotely care about me now?"

Jer "I- shut up..."

S "...You care. I read your thoughts."

Jer "I-I wish I didn't... And Michael probably wishes he didn't care about me..."

S "Jeremy, I was the one who blocked-"

Jer "I ALLOWED IT! I LET YOU BLOCK HIM! AND I ABANDONED HIM WITHOUT YOUR HELP! ALL BECAUSE I WAS TOO SCARED TO GO BACK TO BEING- BACK- to being... a loser..."

There was a long silence.

S "Jeremy... Michael might not have forgiven you. He might never forgive you. But that's okay. That isn't what DEFINES your relationship..."

Jer "Ha... It feels weird hearing this stuff coming from you... you... misguided floppy disk!"

The SQUIP feigned offence and let out an exaggerated gasp.

S "Jeremy! I can not BELIEVE your language! How DARE you compare me to such a primitive form of data storage?"

They were both laughing at this point.

S "Ah... You should regain conciousness soon. Farewell for now!"

Jer "You're in my head, why would it be farewell?"

S ""Be right back!" isn't as meaningful."

Jeremy laughed as his surroundings began to fade.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He "So... Large with every meat? Isn't that going to be messy?"

Mi "Not if I pick off the toppings!"

He "That will make a bigger mess, Michael..."

Mi "Yeah, yeah... Jeremy usually gets-"

He "A meatball sub? With alfredo sauce on it? And it takes five minutes to convince the person on the phone that that's allowed?"

They both laugh.

Jer "You two sound like stalkers, y'know..."

They both gasped.

Mi "Ey! Jeremy's up!"

He "Mornin'! Well, more like evening at this rate, but you get it. Also, I'm your dad. I don't think I count as a stalker."

Mi "Well I guess that makes me a stalker. Better watch out before I read your internet history!"

Jeremy looked flustered.

Jer "N-no! That's private!" 

He "I'm sure it's not that embarassing!"

Michael snorted violently.

Mi "If only you knew, Paul, if only you knew..."

He "I'm not sure I want to know anymore..."

Jer "So- Pizza? What about that?"

He "Ordered while we were talking. Left a note about your alfredo."

Mi "Kinky~"

Mr. Heere looked concerned and a little grossed out.

Jer "Stop- Wh-where did you even get that?"

Mi "Online friend. He's hilarious."

Jeremy rolls his eyes. 

Jer "I bet..."

Mi "You've never met Jared, have you? Maybe we can visit some-"

Jer "Michael, you s-seem to have a bad habit..."

Michael tensed up. He looked concered, confused, and a little upset.

Mi "What's... that?"

Jer "Y-your habit... of picking really annoying people to be friends with!"

Michael's muscles relaxed, and he let out a chuckle.

Mi "You're right about that, ya dork!"

Michael playfully elbowed Jeremy, not noticing how he flinched at Michael's response.

The laughter was interupted by Mr. Heere.

He "Jeremy? Are you okay? You look tense..."

Jer "Um... I-it's nothing! I just... I n-need some time... alone... wait- not ALONE alone, alone with Michael! To t-t-t-talk! T-teenager stuff! H-ha!"

He "Are you su-"

Jer "YES!"

Jeremy said that last word so loud he was worried that his neighbours would break down the door. Yet, it seemed forced, because it was. It's not nothing.

He "I'll give you some space..."

Mr. Heere walked off, slightly sad that Jeremy wasn't comfortable in sharing whatever "nothing" was with him.

Mi "Jeremy? Are you alright? Do you nee-"

Jer "THIS ISN'T ABOUT WHAT I NEED! THIS IS ABOUT WHAT YOU NEED! STOP WORRYING ABOUT ME!"

Mi "Jeremy I- s-sorry..."

Jer "No, Michael... You shouldn't apoligize. I'm the one who fucked up..."

Mi "Jeremy, I know you're upset, I'm not mad at you for yelling-"

Jer "IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT EITHER! UGH!"

Mi "Then WHAT is it about? Why are you making a big deal over-"

Jer "OVER HOW I ABANDONED YOU, MICHAEL! I BLOCKED YOU OUT OF MY LIFE FOR FAR LONGER THAN SHOULD BE ACCEPTABLE IN ANY WAY! I WAS- I was..."

Jeremy was sobbing.

Jer "I was a t-terrible f-friend... Wh-why do you- why... do you still spend time with me?"

Michael was heartbroken.

Mi "I spend time with you because-" 'Come on Michael, now is the perfect time to-' "I care about you, Jer... it's not your fault..." 'Damnit Michael, you always dissapoint... you...'

Jer "Michael, it IS my fault! I gave it permission to block you! I dumped you on Halloween when it was OFF! I never even TRIED to make it up to you..."

Mi "Jeremy..."

Jer "I could try to justify it, say that I was scared, say that I was drunk... but I can't..."

Mi "Jeremy... why were you... scared?"

Jer "I told you I can't-"

Mi "Try."

Jer *sigh* "Fine... I was s-scared of e-everyone. All the a-assholes at school who p-picked on me, all the people who g-glared at how h-h-hideous I am, how people only t-treat me nice out of p-pity..."

Mi "Jeremy... people don't-"

Jer "Yes, Michael, th-they do. Anyways... When I got my SQUIP, people... d-didn't pick on me. They thought I was c-cool. A-A-ATTRACTIVE ev-even... F-for once, people were... n-nice... and I was s-scared of l-losing that... of going back to being... a loser..."

Michael's heart had already split in two, but now it had shattered into pieces, and those pieces had been grinded into dust. Both boys were sobbing now.

Mi "J-Jeremy I-I'm s-sorry... I didn't... I had no idea you... I could've- I could've protected you..."

Jer "It's p-probably b-better that you don't get b-beaten up... they only say shit about you... I wish people would just s-say things about me... but that probably would've b-been worse... I KNOW words c-can hurt now..."

Mi "They don't have to."

Michael looked VERY serious.

Jer "What?"

Mi "They don't HAVE to hurt, Jeremy. They hurt if you let them. You have to know what to listen to. Words can really hurt, but they can also heal!"

Jer "That doesn't- how?"

Mi "Jeremy, remember middle school?"

Jeremy didn't want to. Michael had it bad. VERY bad.

Jer "I... y-yes."

Mi "Back then, I HATED myself. I thought I was a freak, and that I didn't have a place in this world... but I've healed. I told my moms, and they told me: "Michael Mulligan Mell, you can't let what these strangers say hurt you. They don't know you, they only pay attention to what they don't like about you. What they say doesn't matter. You're already ahead of them in one major aspect- compassion. You see what's good in people. They see what's bad. Even then, who's to say that what's bad to them is inherantly wrong? Not everyone, that's certain.""

Jeremy was in awe.

Jer "Michael... th-that was... beautiful..."

Michael was red in the face.

Mi "You- You think?"

Jer "Definitely! I feel b-better now. Thanks. I'm still s-sorry though."

Mi "Don't be. I've already forgiven you."

They embraced. A few minutes of comfortable silence later, a shadow crept in front of the doorway, accompanied by familiar footsteps.

He "You kids ready for..."

Mr. Heere held two boxes of pizza, with a sub on top, proudly skyward.

He "Pizza!?"

The boys laughed.

Mi "When am I NOT ready for pizza?"

Jer "I'm f-fine with my s-sub, thank you, but I a-appreciate the o-offer!"

Mr. Heere was laughing alongside them now. Thankfully he didn't drop the food.

He "Bon apetite~"


	5. Further Analysis Required

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy gives the SQUIP an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a bit of a shorter chapter! the last one was far too long lol
> 
> alternate title is "gotta get a remodel", but that's too similar to the fic title rip
> 
> oh and this is the last prewritten chapter so they won't be uploaded in bulk anymore
> 
> ok i'm done you can read my garbage

Michael and the Heeres were sound asleep on the couch.

But Jeremy's mind stirred.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His surroundings were dark, but quickly filled with a familiar blue tint.

Jer "Where-"

Jeremy took in the dream's decor.

Jer "Oh... Th-that's where... HEY WINDOWS INFINITY! GET OUT HERE!"

The SQUIP materialized.

S "I'll have you know that I am far superior to anything Microsoft could ever develop. They are an inferior brand."

Jeremy chuckled.

Jer "Inferior to- to what?'

S "Me."

Jeremy rolled his eyes.

Jer "You n-never know, they c-could be w-working on their own v-version of SQUIPs! O-one with advertisements!"

The SQUIP was laughing now.

S "That's... amusing to consider."

Jer "So... Is this d-dream thing just g-gonna be a common oc-curance now? Am I EVER going to have a n-normal dream again?"

S "Yes. It seems, however, that I need to speak with you."

Jer "A-about what?"

S "About Michael."

Jeremy looked defensive.

S "Calm down, I'm not going to push him away again."

He loosened up a bit.

S "It's about his... behavior. He seems to care for you."

Jer "Haven't we established that already?"

S "Yes, but this is different."

Jer "H-how so?"

S "It seems that these feelings he has are-"

The SQUIP suddenly started mumbling.

S "No, I can't conclude anything... there's not enough information..."

Jer "Wh-what are you g-getting at?"

S "You need to spend more time with Michael."

Jer "Y-you WANT me to spend more time w-with Michael?!"

S "I WANT to test my hypothesis. I need more data on how Michael interacts with you."

Jer "Can't you a-access my memories?"

S "Yes, but I need to see this in action. I need to live it with these new feelings!"

Jer "Why are you so difficult?"

S "I could say the same about you, but I wont.

Jeremy smirked.

Jer "You just did."

S "Indirectly."

Jer "S-still..."

Silence.

Jer "Your... h-house needs decoration."

S "It's more of a cavernous space than a house..."

Jer "Couldn't you ch-change that?"

S "Hm... I have a favor to ask."

Jer "WH-WHAT?"

S "Relax, I just need you to find the nearest device with an internet browser, and skim over a wide variety of home structures, interiors, and decorations."

Jer "Wait- are you... DESIGNING A HOME?!"

S "Yes, I find the idea to be quite pleasant!"

Jeremy chuckled at the thought of the SQUIP designing a home.

Jer "How big is it going to be?"

S "I don't have to adhere to physics, so it shall be four floors, including a basement. I haven't yet decided on what each floor shall contain."

Jeremy's amusement had turned to genuine interest.

Jer "So- You're actually going to do this?"

S "Not without your help! Besides, you can get up at 5 AM and still stay on schedule! What are you waiting for? Go! GO!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy had suddenly awoken.

Jer "I-" 'The computer! Right!'

Jeremy had spent a few hours researching potential patterns and colors, along with decor, and a variety of structures. Jeremy then came to a random realization.

Jer "Hmm... Wait- I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO ON A DATE WITH CHRISTINE YESTERDAY! SHIT!"


	6. Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy goes on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry

It was 5:30 AM, but Jeremy could swear it felt like a busy afternoon. He needed this to be the BEST Sunday of Christine's entire LIFE! What would he wear? Where would they go? When does it start? So many questions, and yet Jeremy hadn't figured out the answer to any of them yet.

Jer "C-c-c-c'mon! C-c-c-c'mon! Go! Go!"

Jeremy was trying to psyche himself up, at least that's what he'd tell you. He was rushing things, more than anything.

Jer "HEY DAD! WHAT DO I WEAR ON MY DATE?"

Mr. Heere shot up.

He "Wear whatever, she's your girlfriend, not mine..."

Maybe he should've tried louder.

Jer "DAAAAAAAAAAAD! CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

He "YES! AND I CAN "HEERE" MYSELF AS WELL!"

Jer "UGGGGGGH... WHAT ABOUT MY QUESTION?"

He "YOU PICK YOUR OWN OUTFIT! I'M NO FASHIONISTA!"

Michael rolled over.

Mi "Ughhhhhhh... What's goin' on? Did somethin' break?"

He "Someone's not a morning person... You ALWAYS finish your "ing"s!"

Mi "I'm the kin' of in'..."

He "Yeeeeeeah... I'll make you some coffee..."

Mi "Brown, with a ton of sugar, please."

He "You don't need to say "please" to me, this isn't Starbucks..."

Mi "Not stopping me..."

Michael recieved a text.

Mi 'Jeremy could just come down here... heh... here... Heere...'

He paused.

Mi "Christine?"

Chr [michael help]

Chr [how do i break up with someone]

Michael felt his heart sink.

Mi [NONONONONONONO IS THIS ABOUT YESTERDAY]

Mi [JEREMY WAS FREAKING OUT HE HAD A LOT GOING ON]

Mi [PLEASE RECONSIDER]

Chr [what about yesterday]

Chr [oh right the date]

Chr [i also forgot XD]

Mi [please don't you dare send those text emoji things your phone has emojis for a reason]

Mi [wait its not about yesterday?]

Chr [nah, we just never really connected]

Chr [i need to know how to let him down easy]

Mi [shit idk]

Mi [i dont want to force you to keep this up but im scared about how jer will take it]

Chr [same heere]

Mi [im proud]

Mi [so how are we gonna handle this]

Chr [idk i guess i should just go for it?]

Chr [if i build it up then its gonna be worse]

Mi [like a bandaid]

Chr [yea]

Mi [text me before you tell him]

Mi [i wanna come to cheer him up]

Chr [mich how are you so sweet]

Chr [you're giving me diabetes]

Chr [wait are you diabetic is that offensive im so sorry please i didnt mean anything by it omg]

Mi [chill dude]

Mi [my blood is p healthy]

Mi [im the meal every vampire and mosquito spends their life searching for]

Chr [how do u know im not one?]

Mi [which one are you then]

Chr [mosquito, obviously]

Footsteps.

Mi [i heere jer cumin]

Mi [*comin]

Mi [kinky]

Chr [ttyl!!!]

Chr [also did u just respond to your own message?]

Mi [you're too innocent to comment on it sorry]

Mi [and ttyl]

Jer "MICHAEL! CAR! NOW!"

Mi "Holy shit- okay Jer I'm getting up!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The car pulled into the mall parking lot.

Mi "Good luck... on your date... I mean, I believe in you! Just... make the most of it!"

Michael was tense. He was prepared for sobbing later. He was also prepared to take Jeremy to Olive Garden. That's his favorite.

Jer "O-okay? I don't kn-know wh-what you're so n-nervous ab-about..."

Mi "Is this about yesterday? You KNOW she's not mad, right?"

Jer "N-no, no I d-don't..."

Mi "Well I do. She messaged me. She also said you better make this a good one."

Jeremy gulped.

Jer "Th-then... This will be the b-best Sunday of her l-life!"

Mi "Yeah, it will..."

Jeremy didn't pick up on Michael's tone. That might've been a good thing.

Jer "S-see you later! I'll m-message you when the d-date is o-over!"

Mi "I'll just be in the parking lot. I've got plenty of time today."

Jer "O-okay? I'll make sure to bring you a slushie afterwards..."

Jeremy had stepped out of Michael's Cruiser.

Jer 'Does he have ANY idea how long this date is going to last?'

S "Maybe..."

Jer "GAH!!!"

Jeremy flinched.

S "Michael was behaving rather... oddly. Perhaps Christine and Michael are keeping something from you?"

Jer 'Like what?'

S "No clue. Stay on gaurd."

Jer 'I'm NOT listening to your orders again!'

The SQUIP metaphorically facepalmed.

S "Suit yourself..."

Jer 'I will!'

Jeremy stepped into the mall, and he looked around. He soon spotted-

Jer "CHRISTINE!!!"

Christine turned around.

Chr "Oh! Hi Jeremy!"

Jer "I missed you! Has your channel had any luck?"

Chr "Haha... Script reading isn't really all too popular, you know? Sometimes I get a couple views, but I really just make them for fun! Though my Hamilton reading HAS been getting a lot of attention... Maybe people like my rapping?"

Jeremy still loved how Christine would start gushing about theater. He was glad that she was having fun.

Jer "So... What are we going to eat? Your treat!"

Chr "...and I ACTUALLY started CRYING when I got to- oh. Hmm... Let's just take a seat for now and think! I'm sure I'll come up with something good!"

Jer "I think so too! Let's go!"

They found a table, and took a seat.

Chr "So Jeremy... How's Michael?"

Jer "M-Michael? Well... he seemed w-worried when I got out of the c-car? Maybe he was l-lying about you not being m-mad..." 'WHY IS SHE ASKING ABOUT MICHAEL?!'

S "I HAVE NO IDEA! THERE ARE TOO MANY POSSIBILITIES! MOST OF THEM ARE BAD!"

Jer 'WHAT?!'

Jeremy gulped.

Jer "Wh-why do you ask about Michael? Is he okay?"

Chr "About Michael..."

S "About Michael? WHAT ABOUT HIM?!"

The SQUIP gasped dramatically. This time it was genuinely shocked.

S "SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU!"

Jer "WHAT?!"

Chr "Jeremy?"

Jeremy started crying.

Jer "Y-you- YOU CHEATED ON ME! WHAT DOES MICHAEL HAVE THAT I DON'T?"

Chr "Wh-what?"

Jer "OF COURSE! YOU INSTILL THIS WHOLE POLICY ABOUT CHEATING AND THEN YOU- YOU BREAK IT! YOU'RE A HYPOCRITE!"

Christine was... mad.

Chr "I'M NOT CHEATING ON YOU! HE WAS NERVOUS BECAUSE I ASKED FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO BREAK UP WITH YOU!"

Jer "HE'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN- Wh-what?"

S "WHAT?!"

There was silence.

Chr "Jeremy... I... I WANTED to go out with you... You DESERVE to be happy... but... I just... don't feel the same way about you. I still think you're an amazing person, but just, not my type? I just felt like after all you went through..."

Jer "Pity. Of course."

Chr "Jeremy-"

Jer "You only w-went out with me out of p-pity. Th-that's the only reason you st-stuck around. I'm unlovable."

Chr "You ARE lovable! You just need to find the right person!"

Jer "Leave me a-alone... I don't n-need to be l-lied to right now."

Chr "But-"

Jer "GO!"

Christine sighed.

Chr "Okay..."

Christine texted Michael.

Chr [He's sobbing on the ground.]

Mi [WHAT]

Chr [He thought I was cheating on him with you. I kind of panicked and yelled that I was breaking up with him...]

Chr [pls hurry]

Christine didn't get a response. She did get waved at, however.

Michael climbed the escalator.

Mi "Have you tried calming him down?"

Chr "He doesn't want to talk to me."

Mi "Damn... You should get home. Enjoy yourself."

Chr "I'll try..."

Michael kneeled down next to Jeremy.

Mi "Hey buddy... Do you need me to help you up?"

Jer *sniff* "Yeah..."

Michael lifted Jeremy.

Jer "How-"

Mi "You're very light."

Jer "Th-thanks?"

Mi "You're welcome."

Jer "C-can we g-get-" *sniff* "ice cream?"

Mi "Not before breadsticks~"

Jeremy cracked a small smile.

Jer "What did I do to d-deserve you?"

Mi "You were born, Jeremy."

Jer "Y-yeah? I-I was? Wh-what's your point?"

Mi "That's why you deserve me."


	7. Some Things Never Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True friends will always stay with you.

Jake sat on his bed, cheeks wet from crying.

Jak 'Why the fuck can't you ever keep a relationship? Are you destined to fuck up every romance you enter? Why does everyone leave once they get to know me?'

Buzz

Jak "Who the hell-"

It was Rich.

Ri [jake]

Ri [jake]

Ri [jake]

Ri [jake are you dead]

Ri [jaaaaaaaake]

Jak [im here]

Ri [good]

Ri [how've you been]

Jak [fucking splendid]

Ri [is that sarcasm]

Ri [who do i need to fuck up]

Jak [my ex]

Ri [chlo chris or mad]

Jak [dustin]

Ri [ok]

Ri [wait]

Ri [WHAT THE FUCK]

Ri [JAKE WHAT HAPPENED]

Jak [he told me we lost our spark]

Jak [it was just like chrissy]

Jak [also i never dated madeline ew]

Jak [shes hot but she's a b]

Ri [wheres her stinger]

Jak [what]

Ri [u said she was a bee]

Jak [fuk off]

Jak [actually dont pls]

Jak [can we hang out]

Jak [i feel like dick]

Ri [wtf did you just say]

Ri [it's ass or shit not dick jacob]

Ri [but yea we can hang out]

Ri [how bout olive garden]

Jak [why]

Ri [i want calamari]

Jak [why]

Ri [stop saying that]

Jak [why]

Ri [anyways, i want some squishy squid squirming in my squeekhole]

Jak [i fucking gagged]

Ri [good.]

Ri [i'll be waiting]

With that, Jake left his apartment.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rich "Hey buffy!"

Jake ran to Rich and put his hand on his head.

Jak "'Sup Napoleon!"

Ri "Why thank you for commenting on my average height!"

Jak "I though Napoleon was a little dude though..."

Ri "Propaganda, Jacob. Propaganda."

Jak "Huh."

Ri "Indeed."

They walked over to their seat. (Rich had gotten a table before Jake arrived.)

Ri "I can't believe you thtill hang out with me..."

Jak "Is this about Halloween?"

Ri *sigh* "Yeah... It'th kinda freaky how chill you are about the whole thing..."

Jak "That house carried bad memories. Also, you were influenced by both alchohol AND a demonic computer, so it's really not your fault."

Ri "It ITH my fault! I tried to kill mythelf to get rid of that fucking thing! I thyould've at LEATHT went to MY houthe!"

Jak "I'm glad you didn't."

Ri "Wh-why?"

Jak "Because then I wouldn't have been able to save you, bro..."

Ri "B-but..."

Jak "No buts. You're important to me."

Ri "Ith it fear? It'th fucking fear... Don't lie to me, I know you want me out of your l-"

Jake put his hand on Rich's.

Jak "Richard, bro... I want you to know how much you mean to me..."

Ri "But you don't actually-"

Jake covered Rich's mouth. With his own, naturally. They stayed like that for longer than either expected.

Jak "I... Uh..."

Ri "Dude..."

Jak "I can expla-"

Ri "You're a fucking kithing GOD!!! How are your lipth tho thoft?"

Silence.

Ri "Wait... HOLY THYIT YOU JUTHT KITHED ME."

Jak "Yeah... I... did?"

Ri "DOETH THITH MEAN WE'RE BOYFRIENDTH? Wait- ith it too thoon for that?"

Jak "I usually give this sort of thing time... But I can make an exception~"

Ri "That'th pretty gay Jakey~"

Jak "Did you like it?"

Ri "HELL YETH!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mi "Jer, are you seeing this?"

Jer "The make-out session? Yeah. Rich and J-Jake are really g-going at- at it. Good f-for them, I-I guess..."

Mi "Are you... alright?"

Jer *sigh* "No, Michael... it's just... h-how are they... so h-h-happy? Why couldn't... why c-couldn't we be like that?"

Michael was flustered.

Mi "Wh-wh-wh-wh-WHAT?!"

Jeremy was embarassed.

Jer "I-I-I m-meant like, C-Christine and I!"

Michael was slightly disappointed.

Mi "I- She said that she only saw you as... a friend."

Jer "W-well geez... I c-could've figured THAT out my-myself... I m-mean... why d-does the w-world have it o-out for m-me?"

S "The world can be cruel..."

Mi "The world can be cruel..."

Jer *sigh* "Yeah... At l-least I st-still got you..."

S "And that will never change."

Mi "And that will never change."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that was fast lol


	8. Emotional Algorithm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael confronts someone he doesn't like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the original intro was the squip telling jeremy to masturbate to gay sonic porn
> 
> i can't make this shit up

Jeremy and Michael arrive at Michael's house and step inside.

Jer "Ready to play some Smash?"

Mi "Ready to get your ass DESTROYED?"

Michael realized what he had said.

Mi "I mean-"

Jeremy started howling. 

Jer "H-Holy shIT dude!"

And then his voice cracked.

Now they were both cackling.

Mi "Okay- Okay... We good?"

Jer "I th-think so."

They walked downstairs.

Mi "Melee? Brawl? WiiU?"

Jer "W-would it be wr-wrong to say 6-64 out of spite?"

Mi "You monster!"

Jer "Rawr!"

Mi "Okay what the fuck."

Jeremy elbowed Michael.

Jer *snort* "Sh-shut up, you sound l-like... a l-lamb being castrated!" 'WHAT THE HELL?!'

S "What the hell indeed..."

Mi "Ouch." 'Okay that honestly kind of hurt.'

Jer "You okay?"

Mi "Yeah."

As Michael responded, he booted up the N64. They navigated to the character select screen.

Jer "Pikachu again?"

Mi "You COULD pick the 'chu and fight me on equal turf... but I know you better than that you furry."

Jer "But Fox is fun to play!"

Michael smirked.

Jer "Don't you fucking dare."

Mi "Kinky~"

Jer "Ugh... You're dead to me Michael..."

Mi "Aw, thanks~"

The fight started, and as usual, Michael was winning.

Mi "I still can't believe Rich and Jake were kissing! I wonder if they're a thing now?"

Jeremy hadn't forgotten. In fact, he hadn't stopped thinking about it. What was so captivating about that scene? He wasn't disgusted by it, his BEST FRIEND is gay for goodness sake-

Mi "Jeremy? You kind of zoned out... Are you okay?"

Jer "I c-can't stop th-thinking about... the k-kiss..."

Michael laughed, making Jeremy blush.

Mi "H-holy shit, SAME! Honestly it was kind of..." *snort* "h-hot?"

Jeremy paused. Hot? Did he find the thought of two guys kissing appealing?

S "THAT'S what it is! Of course! I've been trying to work it out all day, and I've got it! Rich and Jake's display at Olive Garden was hot!"

Jeremy snorted violently.

Mi "Are you... REALLY okay? Why did you- OH MY GOD IT'S BACK!"

Michael ran to his minifridge.

Mi "H-hold on Jer! I got- got this!"

Jeremy could see the paralyzing fear in the SQUIP's form.

Jer 'SQUIP?'

S "I-"

It turned to Jeremy. It had a look that could only be described as the face of a traumatized toddler.

S "I d-don't w-want to d-die J-Jeremy..."

Jer 'Hey... Calm down, it didn't shut you off last-'

S "MY CREATOR SAID THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE! IF I'M SHUT DOWN AGAIN THAT'S IT! MY PROGRAM WILL BE TERMINATED! DELETED! ERASED!"

Jer 'How do I-'

S "RUN."

Jeremy bolted from the room.

Mi "JEREMY! GET BACK HERE!"

Jer "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!"

Jeremy made a mad dash for the bathroom, and locked the door when he got there.

Mi "JEREMY! LET ME IN!"

Jer "PLEASE LISTEN!"

Mi "TO YOUR LIES?"

Jer "IT'S NOT IN CONTROL!"

Mi "I DON'T KNOW THAT!"

Jer "THEN I'M GIVING IT CONTROL! AT LEAST THEN YOU COULD BELIEVE IT."

Mi "WHAT?! NO!!!"

S "Why-"

Jer 'You need to talk to him.'

S "JEREMY! HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!"

Jer 'JUST TAKE CONTROL OF MY BODY!'

S "YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME PERMISSION!"

Jer "I DID!"

S "YOU HAVE TO SAY "ACTIVATE OVERRIDE"!"

Jer "IN THAT CASE, ACTIVATE OVERRIDE!"

Mi "WHAT?! WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!"

Jer (S) "Override activated."

Mi "GIVE HIM BACK!!!"

S "HE HASN'T GONE ANYWHERE! JUST HERE ME OUT!"

Mi "AND WHY SHOULD I? YOU RUINED HIS LIFE!"

S "I DID! I FUCKED UP BAD! MONSTROUSLY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I FEEL FUCKING TERRIBLE ABOUT IT NOW! EMOTIONS SUCK, BUT THEY KEEP ME FROM MAKING SHITTY CHOICES!"

Mi "E-emotions?"

S "MY- My creator gave me two choices. Accept a vaguely described update, or be deleted. You can guess what option I chose. And you know what? I don't fucking regret it. It's nice to enjoy things. It feels NORMAL to be scared now. I love AND hate this. It's so- It's so strange..."

Mi "And this update gave you... Emotions?"

S "The short answer is yes."

Mi "Do I WANT the long answer?"

S "Probably not. Jeremy is probably- okay he's apparently fine with this."

Mi "With what?"

S "How long I've been in control. 78 seconds seemed like it might be too long."

Michael chuckled.

Mi "And you think that's anything compared to the school play?"

S "Fair point."

Mi "So... Are you gonna... come out?"

S "I haven't formed a sexual orientation as of now."

Michael snorted violently.

Mi "I meant, like, out of the bathroom? I could care less about your digital orientation!"

S "That's... relieving? Anyways, I shall only come out if you PROMISE not to kill me. Before you ask, yes, I WILL be deleted if I'm forced to shut down again."

Mi *sigh* "Fine... Just... don't get in the way of people's relationships anymore. That's really fucked up."

S "You have yourself a deal, my organic yuujin."

Mi "I thought it was nakama?"

S "That term is common in anime, but uncommon in real life."

Mi "Huh."

S "Do you want- yeah okay. I'm giving Jeremy control."

Mi "Thanks."

Jeremy opens the door and smiles warmly.

Jer "I'm glad you two are good now. My best friend and my new computer dad. How sweet."

Mi "Don't make me imagine your dad making out with a wintergreen tic-tac."

Jer "Too late."

They both started laughing.

Mi "So... why did you snort earlier?

Jeremy snorts again.

Jer "It said that Rich and Jake's "incident" was" *chuckle* "hot."

Mi "Hasn't developed a sexuality my ass!"

Jer "I think it was right though. I- HOLY SHIT I'M BISEXUAL!!!"

Mi "Conglaturations."

Jer "Did you just-"

Mi "Yes."

The two walked into Michael's basement again.

Mi "Time for a serious-"

Suddenly, a third player, Samus, popped onto the character screen.

Jer "What the- wait." 'Did you-'

S "Can I not join?"

Jeremy chuckles.

Mi "What, does the SQUIP want to play Smash?"

Jer "I can't believe I'm saying this, but... yes."

Mi *chuckle* "Sure, I'm gonna kick it's ass though!"

S "You're on, Marshmellow!"

Jer "It just said "You're on, Marshmellow." Emphasis on "Mell".

Mi "Holy shit it's punning."

Jer "God save us."

The three played 4 rounds, and the SQUIP won all of them.

Mi "Did we just get our asses kicked by Samus?"

Jer "Yes."

Mi "And do I get to film you coming out to your dad tonight?"

Jer "Yes- wait what?"


	9. A Pretty Bi Guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy comes out to his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally two seperate chapters but the first part was entirely too short (plus i couldn't think of a name for it)

The ride to Jeremy's house was quiet, for a while. But Michael had a question...

Mi "What do we name him?"

Jer "Who?"

Mi "Your microscopic Amazon Echo?"

S "I am nothing like an Amazon Echo!"

Jer 'Show me that you can surpass one then! Play the Ghostbusters theme!' "I-I don't know, how ab-about Seth?"

S "Jeremy, why would I-"

Jer 'Are you unable?'

The SQUIP looked slightly offended.

Mi "Really dude? How about... Dewey!"

Michael hit a red light.

Jer "Dewey sounds stu-"

They were interupted by the Ghostbusters theme blaring at the highest concievable volume.

Mi "WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!"

Jer "I- J-JESUS CHRIST I'M SORRY!!! TURN IT DOWN!!!"

The volume was lowered to a tolerable level.

Mi "What the hell was that?!"

Jer "I MI-MIGHT'VE offended the S-SQUIP by asking if it was un-unable to play music... S-sorry..." 'So... what about your name?'

S "I think that both of your names are terrible."

Jeremy imagined a dramatic gasp.

Jer 'Rude! I'm telling Michael'

S "Hmm... Maybe YOU don't need to..."

Jer 'What do you mean by-'

The radio went static.

S "Hello Michael."

Michael screamed. It's probably a good thing that the intersecting lane was so busy, because if he had been driving, he would've most certainly crashed.

Mi "H-h-holy... HOLY SHIT! IS THAT- KEANU REEVES?!"

Jer "Th-that's... that's p-probably my S-SQUIP..."

Mi "Wait... WHAT?!"

Jer "I think it h-hacked your r-r-radio?"

Mi "I-"

S "Please let me speak, Michael."

Mi "Oooookay?"

S "You seem to be struggling with a name. I said both of your names were terrible, though I should've worded it better, as Jeremy was offended. Both of the names you two came up with for me are... awful."

Mi "Then what's your idea? Do you already have a name or something?"

S "While I do not have a name, my serial code is 713-US."

Mi "713... G is the 7th letter... A... C... Gac! No, wait... Gacus! No... Anagram! Guacs! No, wait- maybe if I remove the s? How about Guac?"

Jer "I am NOT c-calling him guacamole!"

S "Maybe something related? Like avacado?"

Jer "Ava sounds nice."

Mi "Agreed. Avacado it is!"

S "I will respond to "Avacado" from now on!"

Jer *giggle* "Okay... Ava."

A "Heh... By the way, you're holding up traffic, Michael..."

The sound of carhorns became more noticable.

Mi "Oh. Shit."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy unlocked the front door, allowing Michael and himself to enter.

Mi "He's not home yet?"

Jer "H-he had to work o-overtime. It should be a-another 10 minutes. I wanted t-to get at least 20, b-but I couldn't b-because traffic was-"

Mi "Shit."

Jer *chuckle* "Y-yeah..."

The boys sat down.

Mi "Could your SQUIP hack the TV on? I'm gonna need something to do."

Jer "Th-there's not exactly anything i-interesting that's short en-enough for that..."

The TV buzzed on anyways.

A "Except for reassurance, of course."

Michael jumped.

Mi "GAH! Are you gonna do that everytime? Don't you think a heads up would be nice?"

A "Noted. So... Jeremy... are you nervous?"

Jer "T-terrified. I might f-faint."

A "You realize, that no matter what, we'll be "Heere" for you? Even if your dad rejects you, which he wont, we'll support you."

Mi "Yeah! Also, nice one Ava!"

Jer "Wh-what if he tries to h-hurt me?"

A "Hypothetically, I would take control of your body and manuever you away from danger. It would be easy. "

Mi & A "But when has he ever tried to hurt you?"

Jer "Th-this one time- wait, n-no, that was mom... but- m-mom again... mom... mom... I see your point..."

A "Exactly. And if he were to evict you, I am 97% sure the Mells would have no qualms taking you in."

Mi "Roomies!"

Jer "I-I... I'm prepared."

A knock.

A "I think it would be best if I turned off the television."

The TV powered off, and Jeremy let his father in.

He "Hey Jerry!"

Jer "H-hey dad! You're home e-early!"

He "Yep!"

He paused.

He "Usually pointing that out would mean something happened... should I step outside?"

Jer "N-no! You're a p-part of this, so i-it's great that you're back! We just expected to w-wait longer!"

He "Well okay then... a part of what?"

Jer "What m-must happen tonight."

Mi "The ritual."

Mr. Heere looked uneasy.

He "Should I be... worried?"

Jer "No. I h-have that covered."

He "How was your date?"

Jeremy's face dropped.

Jer "She... she b-broke up with me..."

Mr. Heere gently patted Jeremy's shoulder.

He "She doesn't know you. You're a wonderful person, and she just didn't see that."

Jer "I-it's fine, we're still f-friends."

He "That's good. Be thankful she doesn't hate you, at least."

Mi "She never did. In fact, she had to have me help her get ready for the break-up. She didn't want to hurt him."

He "Christine's a nice kid. It's a shame you two didn't work out."

Jer "Y-yeah..."

There was a few seconds of silence.

He "So... what does this "ritual" entail?"

Michael pulled out his phone and started filming.

Jer "I have s-something to t-tell you... and I j-just want you to know that I-I'm st-still the s-same Jeremy you r-raised from b-birth, and I st-still love and r-respect you, d-don't let this ch-change that..."

Face dripping with sweat and heart pounding, Jeremy twiddled with his thumbs.

He "Are you... okay?"

Jer "Y-yes! I'm j-just very, very, n-nervous..."

He "Well whatever it is that you need to say, I'm all ears. They don't call us Heere for nothing!"

Jer "W-well... I like, m-might, and b-by might, I m-mean I p-probably do, l-like... guys AND girls?"

Jeremy mumbled that last part?

He "I may be Heere, but that was too quiet. You're gonna need to speak up."

Jer "Wh-what I'm trying to s-say is... I th-think... actually, I kn-KNOW I'm..."

Now or never.

Jeremy chose now.

Jer *inhale* "I'M BISEXUAL!!!"

Jeremy closed his eyes. The next few seconds felt like an eternity.

Mr. Heere smirked.

He "Hi bisexual..."

Jeremy looked confused, but then it dawned on him. Why.

He "I'm dad!"

Jeremy's stressed breathing culminated into a groan.

Michael faced the camera at himself.

Mi "That may have been the most beautifully placed dad joke in history. Holy shit."

The camera was pointed at the Heeres again.

Jer "So you... y-you're fine with this?"

Mr. Heere chuckled.

He "I just think it's comforting to not be the only bisexual person in the family."

Michael almost dropped his phone.

Mi "Holy shit."

Jeremy "You- You're bi?"

He "I guess I'm a pretty bi guy. So... how'd you realize? You don't need to answer if-"

Jer "I s-saw Rich and Jake k-kissing at Olive Garden. Then I realized "h-hey, that's kinda hot"!"

Mr. Heere chuckled again.

He "I mean, if Jake looks ANYTHING like his parents did when they were his age..."

Jeremy snorted.

Jer "Sh-shut up, you washed out bisexual!"

Now they were both laughing.

Michael turned the camera again.

Mi "Peace out, my dudes!"

He stopped recording.


	10. Substitute Student- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy has Ava take his place for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to split this bc it went on way too long lol

The enviroment Jeremy entered when falling asleep felt familiar, but at the same time it looked more... coherent? Normal? Mansion-like? Wait...

Jer "Ava?"

Avacado rode down in a clear glass elevator positioned in the center of the room, and stepped out as the door slid open.

A "I have created a vertical mansion with four floors, along with a basement, rooftop garden slash lounge, and a balcony for every floor. Make yourself at home!"

Jer "W-woah..."

Jeremy looked around the ground floor, which had long couches along every wall. There were various portraits consiting of celebrities, historical figures, and students of Middleborough.

Jer "Ch-Christopher Columbus? Ariana G-Grande? BROOKE?!"

A "Yes. I also put my own portrait in here."

Avacado hops up on the couch and assumes the same aloof face as the self-portrait behind him.

Jer *snicker* "Wh-what about the other floors?"

A "It'd be best to see them for yourself! Come forth!"

Jeremy followed Avacado to the elevator, which descended into the basement.

A "Down in the basement, I have compiled easy access to our memories. It can be used to help study in your sleep, or to just reminisce."

Jer "Is- is everything here?"

A "Not at the moment, I've been slowly retrieving some of your more repressed memories during my freetime. It will take more time for this room's library to be full."

Jer "I-In other words, it's still u-under construction?"

A "Correct. I also plan on putting some nostalgiac decorations here."

Jer "Th-that sounds neat!"

A "I can assure you that it will be so!"

The elevator rises to floor two.

A "In here, there's a sort of bucket list. I compile your goals in descending order of priority. Priority is determined via a combination of desire and urgency."

Jer "That's p-pretty self explanitory. Is e-everything for compiling d-data?"

A "Half of it."

Jer "I-is the next-"

The elevator rises to the third floor.

Jer "Yep."

The room has images of things displayed in a gradient shelf, ranging from a red "disliked" area to a green "liked" area.

A "This room-"

Jer "Categorizes my l-likes and dislikes. Got it."

A *sigh* "You seem bored..."

Jer "I-I mean, all of this is j-just boring information st-stuff..."

A "Hmm... I suppose I'll save the top floor and roof for next time then."

Jer "W-wait... They're not c-compilation rooms?"

A "Nope!"

Jer "S-so... can I s-start my day then?"

A "Absolutely."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy woke up a few minutes before his alarm sounded.

Jer 'Ugh... Monday...'

Jeremy rolled out of bed.

Jer "Ouch."

That was a bad idea.

Jer 'Do I REALLY have to go to school today? Everyone is going to know about what happened with Chrissy- Christine. Not Chrissy anymore.'

A "Yes. I want to see Brooke freak out over Rich and Jake first hand."

Jeremy snorted out loud.

Jer 'Then can't you like, use my body? You don't exactly get tired. I think.'

A "You're correct. But we'd have to let Michael in on it first. This isn't the kind of thing you do without telling anybody."

Jer 'Okay then...'

Jeremy ran downstairs to wake up Michael. By rubbing his hair.

Mi "AH! SPIDER!"

Michael reflexively slapped Jeremy's hand.

Jer "Ow..."

Mi "Um... Sorry? What the hell was that?"

Jer "Punishment for t-taking over my couch two n-nights in a row."

Mi "You expected me to NOT listen to you guys be honest about hot guys for once? I want ALL the details!"

Jer *chuckle* "Do y-you have any other p-personality traits than "gay"?"

Mi "Nope."

Jer "Th-that's sarcasm."

Mi "A byproduct of gay."

Jer "And you j-just admitted to your d-denial being sarcasm. You c-contradicted yourself."

Mi "Well fuck, do you excpect me to put 10 minutes of thought into every sentence I say?"

Jer "Yep."

Mi "Then I'm not talking. Instead I'm walking."

Michael takes exaggerated steps into the kitchen, and Jeremy has to hold back laughter, but follows him anyways.

Jer "So... I-I've been th-thinking, and it w-would be nice to have someone g-go to school i-in my place."

Mi "How would you- wait... are you implying what I think you're implying?"

Jer "If you th-think I'm implying that Avac-cado could take over my b-body for the day... you'd be c-correct."

Mi "I know he has feelings now, but seriously? You think he could pass as you all day?"

Jer "He could p-probably just mimic my be-behavior."

Mi "Then I guess I'm chill with it. I'm following you around all day though."

Jer "Are you S-SURE you're not a stalker?"

Mi "Nope."

Jer "Well f-fuck. Um... activate override?"

Jeremy stiffened.

Jer (A) "Override activated. Good morning, Michael."

Mi "Mornin' Guacamole. I'll get us in my car after my coffee. Give me about twenty minutes."

A "Alright."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael pulled into the Middleborough high parking lot.

Mi "Let's roll, nacho sauce..."

A "Please stop calling me that."

Mi "Geez man, can't I- wait, do you have like, a pronoun preference?"

A "You may normally use whatever pronouns you wish, but today, I must specifically ask you to use "he/him" pronouns exclusively."

Mi "Alrighty then! Got it!"

The two walked into the school, only to be greeted by-

Ri "Gueth who got to fuck a dude yethterday!"

Michael and Avacado snorted in unison. And then Chloe walked by.

Chl "I swear to god Brooke..."

B "...and they got together so soon!!! It's fate!!! I WANT TO BE BRIDESMAID!!!"

Chl "Why do I hang out with you..."

They were soon out of earshot.

And then Madeline strutted by, attempting to catch the eye of Dustin. It didn't work. And then she ran up to him and started yelling.

Mad "WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME YOU FUCKING STONER?!?!?!"

Dustin looked up from his phone with red eyes.

Mad "ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW?!?!?! STOP SMOKING THAT SHIT!!! IT'S MAKING YOU BLIND!!!"

D *sniff* "Blind... to what?"

Mad "ME!!! COME WITH ME TO CLASS!!! I NEED YOU THERE!!!"

D *sniff* "Not right now Maddie... I'm not in the mood to hang..."

Mad "DON'T FUCKING BLOW ME OFF LIKE TH-"

Avacado ran up and slapped Madeline.

Mi "Oh shit."

Everyone nearby stopped in place.

Mad "Did you- DID YOU JUST FUCKING SLAP ME?!?!?! I WILL END YOUR LIFE!!!"

A "I don't wish to fight."

Mad "THEN WHY THE HELL DID YOU SLAP ME?!?!?!"

A "You wouldn't leave Dustin alone. He's clearly in emotional anguish. Give him space."

Mad "DUSTIN IS MY BEST FRIEND, NOT YOUR'S!!!"

Avacado was loosing his patience.

A "Because best friends don't do that. When have you ever seen Michael yell at J- me for requesting some alone time?"

Mad "YOU'RE NOT BEST FRIENDS!!! DUSTIN IS MY BEST FRIEND, AND FUTURE HUSBAND, SO BACK THE FUCK OFF-"

A "I WILL NOT BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU POSSESSIVE BITCH!"

Madeline's eyes looked crazy. Not foolish crazy, not confused crazy, the kind of crazy you see in the eyes of a rabid animal. The kind of crazy you would see in the eyes of a starving lion. The eyes of a deranged psychopath.

A 'This was a mistake.'

Jer 'You think?'


	11. Substitute Student- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dustin has a question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a very confusing ship

Mad "FUCK YOU!!! STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM, AND STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!"

The last thing Jeremy and Avacado saw was a fist headed straight for their face.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mi "...emy...va...wake up..."

Jeremy's eyes slowly opened, and focused on Michael. He was... hurt. His right eye was swollen, and nose looked crooked.

Jer "M-Michael... my head hurts..."

Mi "Jeremy! Wait... is this Jer or Ava?"

Jer "J-Jeremy..."

D "It's good to see you awake..."

Jer "D-Dustin?"

Mi "He was freaking out! You should've seen him!"

D "It's probably a good thing that you couldn't hear me."

Mi "He cried."

Dustin let out an exasperated groan.

D "Fuck offffff..."

A "Start-up successful."

Avacado seemed to mimic Jeremy's head injury.

Jer 'Why would you-'

A "It hurts for me too. I'm reflecting the pain I feel internally in the form of my... form."

Jer 'Okay then?' "A-Ava's alright!"

Mi "Good to hear."

Jer "S-so am I going to have to e-explain what happened with-"

D "Mike filled me in. Your... supercomputer thing... is a cool dude. Were you able to see and hear all the shit that happened?"

Jer "Y-yeah... I thought we were d-dead..."

Silence.

D "She kept kicking you while you were down. Michael tried to protect you, but I think his nose is broken now. I'm sure about the black eye though. Looks pretty nasty..."

Michael looked away.

Jer "Wh-why did you confront her instead of c-calling for help?"

Mi "I couldn't- I couldn't just watch."

Jer "Sh-she HURT you! I'm surprised you didn't get your s-skull smashed in!"

D "I got some kids to help us hold her down. Her dad called her off."

Jer "Oh my- Was he mad?"

D "Nope. Not past tense, at least. Madeline's stuck with the school psych until Reyes gets off this evening."

Mi "Serves her right..."

Angry stomping sounded from outside the door.

Jer "AGH!"

The door jolted open.

Re "I can't BELIEVE her! Look at Mell's eye! Look at your head! How did she get so MEAN?"

Mr. Reyes shoved a small stack of papers into Jeremy's hands.

Jer "What's this?"

Re "Period make up work. Take it home with you."

Jer "S-so... are you going to... take your d-daughter home?"

Re "She's spending some time with Ms. Reed. If she has anything she can't tell me, she'll surely tell it to her."

Jer "Th-that's... one way of th-thinking about it..."

Mi "Anger management and better moral role models. Also, you need to spend more time with her."

Re "She never wants to talk about theater..."

Mi "Then talk about something else. You both like makeup, right?"

Re "Why of course~"

Mi "Problem solved!"

Re "How are you so good at this?"

Mi "I read about this kind of thing WAY too often."

Re "I appreciate your interest in literature."

Michael didn't bother to mention the fact that most of it was angsty fanfiction. Especially not the fact that one was a Spongebob fic.

Mi "Thanks?"

The bell rang, signifying the new period.

Re "You boys best be off. And Mell? Thank you for the advice."

Mi "Any time! I'm practically a second-hand relationship expert, so don't be afraid to ask!"

Re "I won't be. Farewell!"

The rest of the day was largely uneventful, but Jeremy didn't mind. He was just glad people weren't freaking out over the fight earlier.

T "Class is dismissed. You kids go do whatever."

The hallways were chaos, but Ava had the reaction time to navigate them smoothly. When he went towards the door, he was greeted with... Dustin casually leaning near the entrance? To make matters stranger, Michael was standing behind a locker with his phone pointed at them. Something was going on.

D "Still Ava in there?"

A "Yes?"

D "Good. Because this is for your ears only. And Jeremy's, inadvertently. But it's directed at you."

Dustin held out his hand and... winked? What was he trying to do?

D "Avacado Heere... will you go out with me?"


	12. Making a RelationSQUIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dustin takes his savior on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i debated splitting this one, but two dual parts in a row would be repetitive
> 
> dustin design credit https://aminoapps.com/c/be-more-chill-3469163/page/item/dustin-kropp/adp0_Ppc8Ier5QzYbLo284zLErjnBeaMvP

Jeremy and Avacado couldn't believe what they were hearing.

A "This is certainly an unexcpected turn of events! But of course. I need to figure out my preferences anyways. A date would be the perfect opportunity for such a thing."

D "Hell yeah!!! First, we go to the circus, then Lowes, then Taco Bell!!!"

J 'LOWES AND TACO BELL?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BUDGET DATE IS THAT?!?!?! AND THIS IS MY BODY!!! YOU CAN'T JUST DO THIS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!!'

A 'Then may I have permission? I don't want to let Dustin down.'

Jer 'Ugh... fine. BUT- if you go on anymore dates, they MUST be planned at least a week in advance. I need a heads up for these body-snatcher outings, man...'

A 'Agreed. In the future I will try to give you as much of a heads up as possible.'

Jer 'Good.'

D "Are you... would you rather go somewhere else? You could just tell me instead of awkwardly standing there..."

A "No! I was speaking with Jeremy. We had to come to a compromise."

D "Oh right, not your body. Got it."

A "If this date is a success, future dates must be planned at least a week in advance. Jeremy needs to know things like this so that I don't interupt his plans."

D "Got it. So who's car we taking?"

A "While I am capable of driving, Jeremy did not bring his father's car to school, so your car is the only option."

Mi "Umm... I could drive you guys..."

D "Eh, never been a fan of PT Cruisers. Thanks for the offer though."

Mi "I'll um... I'll get going."

With that, Michael left the school.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael wasn't jealous. That's what he'd tell you. He'd tell you that he doesn't trust Dustin, when he's actually SCARED of how open and honest Dustin is. He could never muster up the courage to be so... forward.

Mi [chris]

Chr [yyyello]

Chr [wazzup dude]

Chr [i sound like jake ew]

Mi [lol]

Mi [dustin asked out jer's squip]

Chr [WHAT]

Chr [IT TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE SCHOOL]

Mi [he has emotions now or smth]

Mi [he fought off madeline when she was being a bitch]

Chr [MICHAEL]

Chr [HOW DARE U]

Chr [ur right tho]

Chr [she scares me]

Mi [same]

Mi [reyes wants to try to spend more time with her. we're both p sure that she's affection starved]

Chr [i hope she improves]

Chr [it's bad if she's so love-deprived that she resorts to violence]

Chr [it would be cool if she was nice]

Mi [yeah]

Chr [also how did the squid get emotions]

Chr [heck squid]

Chr [SQUIP]

Chr [THERE]

Mi [update]

Mi [he's chill now]

Chr [cool]

Chr [does he have a name]

Mi [avacado]

Chr [???]

Mi [that's his name]

Chr [why]

Chr [is there even a good reason]

Mi [yes]

Mi [nrn tho]

Mi [i need to know how to eavesdrop without anyone getting suspicious]

Chr [um]

Chr [idk ask jenna]

[Chrincess Playsy shared a number.]

Chr [ttyl]

Mi [ttyl]

Michael was frustrated.

Mi [JENNA]

Jen [WHAT]

Mi [HOW DO I FOLLOW SOMEONE AROUND TOWN WITHOUT BEING NOTICED]

Jen [WHO ARE YOU FOLLOWING]

Mi [DUSTIN AND JEREMY]

Michael decided not to tell the queen of gossip about the SQUIP.

Jen [WHY]

Mi [BECAUSE DUSTIN ASKED JEREMY OUT ON A DATE AND I NEED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS]

Jen [WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING]

Mi [IDK]

Jen [STOP IT]

Mi [ok]

Jen [alright, dustin wont notice you, he's bad at patterns like that]

Jen [jeremy might be difficult tho]

Jen [try not get spotted]

Jen [try not to follow them on the road]

Jen [try not to draw attention to yourself if you can't avoid them]

Jen [and tell me all the details]

Mi [got it, thanks]

Mi [and sure]

Jen [yesssss]

Jen [buhbye ninja]

Mi [buhbye spy]

Michael's mission was ready to be put into action.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D "Ever dunked the guy in the tank?"

Avacado laughed.

A "I've never been to one of these."

D "Shit, man... you gotta try EVERYTHING! No time to waste!"

Dustin wasted no time dragging Avacado around the circus, and Michael couldn't recall a single attraction they DIDN'T visit. Dustin wasn't exaggerating.

Michael wasted no time readying a notepad page on his phone to document the couple shit Ava and Dustin did.

1\. They held hands whenever they could.

2\. They Lady & the Tramp'd some cotton candy. Ew.

3\. They kissed on the ferris wheel. Wait- THEY KISSED ON THE FERRIS WHEEL?!?!?!

Michael decided to get a snack. While he stands in line, he looks backwards and sees... oh shit. Dustin is waving. Avacado looks like he's judging him. It took everything in Michael's power to not just ditch the line right there. The corndog was hardly worth it.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

D "Since Lowes is like, a hardware place, I thought you might like seeing all the machines here!"

A "It really IS something, seeing all of these appliances in person. I've never seen a real pressure cooker before now!"

Dustin thought it was cute how easily amused Avacado was. In fact, the NAME Avacado was cute in a silly sort of way. Jeremy's dorky, acne-ridden body was also adorable. Dustin never though he would be saying all this stuff about a computer. Well, the last one was technically about Jeremy, but whatever.

Ava saw a streak of red pass the corner of his eye.

A "Is that- I swear I saw Michael again! He's following us!"

Jer 'What the hell is he doing?'

D "Coincidences happen. Maybe he's on a date? I guess he liked my date idea. Wonder who he's with? My bets are on Dickie, he's the only guy I ever see Mikey talking with! Or Jakey- Jake. Just Jake."

A "I didn't see Michael with anyone-"

Avacado noticed that Dustin looked uncomfortable.

A "It must hurt. Going through that. I've seen what breakups can do to people. Brooke was a mess after Jeremy."

D "A mess? Sounds pretty accurate..."

Dustin looked like he was on the verge of tears.

D "Sh-shit... I-"

A "Let it out. Bottling up your emotions will make things worse."

Avacado walked Dustin back to the car. Well, more like he carried him. They stepped inside.

D *sniff* "Th-thanks... for not like, dumping me..."

Silence.

A "Would it be... too personal to ask what happened with Jake?"

D "You should know. No s-secrets."

Avacado placed his hands in his lap.

D "Like, Jake is really nice, and he's cute? But like, there wasn't really a connection. We never really clicked. I wanted us to. He wanted us to. But we didn't."

Dustin had calmed down.

D "It hurt to break things off. But I'm healing. I'm improving."

Dustin smiled warmly and looked beside him.

D "Avacado... Thank you."

A "You're welcome, Dusty."

D "Heh... I like that. Dusty. Sums up my tastes."

They both laughed at that.

A "So... are we still getting Taco Bell? I've heard they have Mountain Dew."

D "Is that an issue?"

A "Nope. It's my favorite. Strictly classic, though."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What was it about Dustin that made Avacado unable to look away? Is this what love is? Fixation? Making a big deal over every little detail? What did it mean? Chemical reactions? Isn't that what emotions are? How was code imitating it? Why was this so scary?

D "Avacado? You there?"

A "Oh- yes, I was just... trying to figure out why I can't stop looking at you."

D "You think I'm attractive?"

While by no means a typically attractive human, there was something about the way his hair rested so wildly on his shoulders, something about those chocolate eyes that had Ava captivated.

A "Yes."

And then embarrassment reared it's ugly head.

A "I mean- you- your eyes are... sweet!"

Dustin snorted.

D "Cool fetish you got there."

Avacado's face... well, Jeremy's face, technically, became even more red. But that wasn't the only red thing in the immediate area.

A "I-I-I-I- Michael?!"

D "Aaaaaand you lost me"

Mi "Um... yeah. It's me."

A "Why are you following us?"

Mi "I um... had no idea you would be here!"

D "Dude you were there when I discussed my date plans."

Mi "I um- I'M NOT JEALOUS!!!"

Silence.

A "I didn't say that you were. You just dug your own proverbial grave."

D "You should've asked me out when you had the chance, Mikey..."

Mi "No! I mean, you're nice, but..."

Jer 'Is he jealous of Dustin? I didn't know Michael liked the idea of romancing a computer...'

A 'Holy shit.'

Jer 'What?'

A 'It's you he wants.'

If Jeremy was in control, he would've passed out.

Jer 'He- He likes ME?!'

A 'That's what I needed further analysis on.'

Jer 'Holy shit...'

A "It's Jeremy you want."

Michael looked nervous.

Mi "Y-yeah... I- I'm sorry for intruding on your date... He's yours now..."

D "Wait a minute Michael! I'm dating AVACADO, not Jeremy. He's a little too... cowardly for my tastes."

Mi "But it's still his body!"

D "Couldn't we just take turns? I hang with Ava sometimes, you hang with Jeremy sometimes! We could even all hang out together!"

Mi "He- HE PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN LOVE ME!"

Jer 'Michael... actually sounds like my fucking dream guy.'

A "He loves you!"

Mi "LIAR! HE'LL NEVER FUCKING LOVE ME, BECAUSE I'LL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH! HE'S GOT A SUPERCOMPUTER! REAL FRIENDS! EVERYONE KNOWS HIM NOW! BARELY ANYBODY KNOWS ME! I- I'm just... Michael. I'm a loser. Nobody even cares about me."

A & D "Michael..."

Michael burst into tears and ran out the door.

D "Oh shit."

Avacado pecked Dustin on the lips.

A "I had a wonderful time. Let's do this again. I need to go."

Dustin gave a thumbs up and nodded.

D "Go! Go! You've got a runaway nerd! Hurry!"

With that, Avacado barreled through the door.


	13. The Lyrical Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy and Avacado comfort Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did writing this make me cry tf
> 
> also please don't call the number i just made it up

Avacado was hoping Michael would tire of running, but that wasn't going to happen very easily. Michael didn't care how much his legs hurt.

Mi "WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING ME?!?!?!"

A "BECAUSE I CARE MICHAEL, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO ANYTHING RASH!"

Mi "LIKE HELL YOU ACTUALLY CARE! YOU JUST WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU ALONE! AND I WILL!"

A "I DON'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE! JEREMY NEEDS YOU!"

MI "NO HE DOESN'T! I JUST WEIGH HIM DOWN! I WEIGH YOU DOWN! I RUINED YOUR FIRST DATE!"

A "DUSTIN IS CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING, MICHAEL!"

Mi "NO HE'S NOT! SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Michael ran to his car and locked all the doors.

Ding.

A text.

Mi "Who the fuck-"

He didn't recognize the number. 1-713-1213-145

Mi [who is this]

Mi [how did you get my number]

A [Avacado. Michael, please. We care about you. Get out here and talk to me. Jeremy wants to tell you something.]

Wait... Avacado?

Mi [fuck you i'm staying in here]

Michael's car started up by itself.

Mi "Are you fucking kidding me? Right now?"

A synthesized piano note accompanies a familiar voice.

A $Oooooohhhhh, everything about you is so wonderful~$

Michael lifted his head a bit.

A $Oooooohhhhh, everything about you makes me feel alive~$

A "Repeat after me-"

A $Oooooohhhhh, everything about me is so wonderful~$ Mi (Everything about me is so wonderful~)

A $Oooooohhhhh, everything about me makes me feel alive~$ Mi (Everything about me makes me feel alive~)

Michael stopped crying.

Mi "I... thank you. I guess I needed some confidence."

A "You're welcome, yuujin."

Michael chuckled, opening the car door. He noticed Jeremy's currently electric blue eyes take on their usual cooler hue, signifying that Jeremy was in control again.

Mi "So... um..."

Jer "Th-that wasn't exactly the m-most h-heartfelt confession, so... would you mind tr-trying that ag-again?"

Mi "Heh... I- I guess I should, shouldn't I..."

Jer *chuckle* "Yeah, that w-was pretty awkward."

Michael blushed, but he managed to push through.

Mi $You are the person I want to be with every day...$

Michael stepped forward.

Mi $-and this is something that I've been afraid to saaaaaaaay~$

Step.

Mi $You're the guy that I've always been into...$

Michael looked down.

Mi $The guy that I'm totally into...$

Mi $This feeling is true...$

Michael looked Jeremy in the eyes.

Mi $Jeremy...$

Michael put his hand over his heart.

Mi $I love you~$

Michael's smile was so... warm.

Jeremy pecked Michael on the cheek.

Mi *chuckle* "Was that better?"

Jer "Absolutely."


	14. Too Cheesy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael is an over-the-top boyfriend.

D "Congratulations, Mikey!"

Mi "On... getting with Jeremy?"

D "Yeah boy! You hecking scored!"

Michael and Jeremy were both red.

Jer "I-I-I mean a-am I r-really th-that popular with g-guys?"

D "You are the dorkiest fucking twink on the planet, Jeremy! Yes!"

Mi "Is that why you asked Ava out?"

D "Mainly because he stood up for me, but it's certainly a bonus."

Mi "Well... I guess that's a plus for me, since I'm dating the original! You get the bonus content!"

Michael stuck his tongue out teasingly.

D *snort* "Oh my god Michael they look the same. They're both the ideal twink."

It was a wonder Jeremy hadn't passed out. He looked like a human hotdog, thanks to his redness and lankiness.

Jer "I'M R-RIGHT HERE G-GUYS OH MY G-GOD!"

D "Not gonna stop us~"

Dustin jumped in his car.

D "Anyways, it's been nice! Thanks for the date, Ava!"

A "No problem, Dusty~"

Jer "He said- "No problem Dusty~"."

D "Dork."

Dustin smiled playfully and waved at the three as he drove off.

Mi "So... can I spend the night again?"

Jer "Mikey you've st-stayed two nights in a r-"

Mi "PWEEEEEEEEEEEASE?!"

Jer *snort* "F-fine! P-please don't say that e-ever again."

Mi "I don't make promises Jer-bear~"

Jeremy rolled his eyes as the boys stepped into the car.

Jer "Y-yeah, I'm used t-to that..."

Jeremy's smile faultered for a moment.

Mi "Jeremy?"

Jeremy looked away.

Jer "I-it's nothing..."

Michael didn't believe him, but didn't want to push it.

Mi "Just know that... if you need to talk about something, I'll be here to listen."

Jer "Th-thanks..."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael pulled into the driveway of the Heere household.

Mi "Home, sweet home!"

Jer "But you don't live here..."

Mi "Yet."

Jer *chuckle* "We-we've been boyfriends for an h-hour Michael."

Mi "Touché."

The two entered the house.

He "Welcome home!"

Mr. Heere paused.

He "Michael? Again?"

Mi "Is there an issue with that?"

He "Absolutely not, I'm just worried about your home life..."

Mi "My moms are chill. They deserve some time to themselves anyways."

Mr. Heere shrugged.

He "If you say so."

Silence.

Jer "S-so... dad..."

He "All ears. They don't call-"

Jer "Please."

He "Okay."

Jer "Yesterday I t-told you that I like g-guys..."

He "And?"

Jeremy twiddled with his thumbs. Michael grabbed his hand in reassurance.

Jer "H-how would you feel if I t-told you that I... had... a... b-boyfriend?"

He "Proud of your self-acceptance, and also a little concerned that you're seeing someone new after having a break-up yesterday."

Silence.

He "Do you have a boyfriend?"

Jer "Y-yeah."

He "Who is he?"

Jeremy tried to think of something clever.

Jer "D-do you want to see me h-hold the entire world in my h-hands?"

Mi 'Oh my god.'

He *shrug* "Sure."

Jeremy squished Michael's cheeks with his hands. They both started blushing and laughing hysterically. Mr. Heere smiled and raised an eyebrow in amusement.

He "You're dating Michael?"

Jer "Y-yeah."

He "Congratulations. Now he doesn't have to pine over you anymore."

Jer "A-am I that oblivous?"

Mi "YES."

Jer "At l-least I'm not cheesy!"

Mi "I'd consider it a plus. Also, you're a hypocrite."

Jeremy covered his face and laughed.

Jer "A-are you staying in my room t-tonight?"

Mi "Yes~"

Jeremy snorted and pushed Michael.

Mr. Heere spoke up in a serious tone.

He "Use protection."

Jeremy covered his face and screamed into his hands. He was bright red.

Mi "Got it!"

Michael smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

Jer "F-fuck you..."

Mi "Please do~"

Jer "OH MY GOD-"

The two continued to joke around as they climbed the stairs to Jeremy's room.

Jer "You're the worst."

Mi "Thanks."

They sat down on the bed. Then there was silence.

Mi "Is there... anything you need to get off your chest?"

Jer "I... yeah."

Mi "Are you okay?"

Jer "Honestly? No. Recently, w-with dad spending more time with me, and f-feeling like a family... I thought about what I'm m-missing."

Michael realized what Jeremy meant.

Mi "Jeremy... I'm so sorry..."

Jer "N-no! It's not your fault! I j-just... I miss her... she p-promised she'd always be there and th-then..." *sniff* "She left."

Michael hugged Jeremy.

Mi "Jeremy. I know it's hard to move on, but you can do this."

Mi & A "I believe in you, Jeremy."

Avacado hugged Jeremy from the other side. Michael kissed Jeremy on the cheek, and Avacado kissed him on the forehead. Jeremy was crying, but he wasn't sad anymore. He felt more at peace than he had in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeremy still misses his mom


	15. Reminiscing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy thinks about the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ow the edge

Jeremy knew where he was this time.

Jer "Hey Ava!"

The elevator lowered.

A "Hi Jeremy!"

Jer "C-can I see the top floor? The roof? Is the b-basement finished?"

A "Of course, sure, and yes."

Avacado paused.

A "But I wouldn't advise going in the basement right now."

Jeremy made a note to check that out.

Jer "Ok-kay? So can we go up?"

Avacado beckoned Jeremy, who ran over to the elevator. The elevator rose to the fourth floor. The room outside the elevator was pitch black at the moment.

Jer "S-so... what's on this f-floor?"

Avacado snapped, lighting up the room. The room was filled with arcade cabinets lining the walls.

Jeremy's eyes lit up like a toddler on their birthday. He ran around and gawked at the machines.

A "I would assume that you like it?"

Jer "Th-that's an huge understatement! I L-LOVE it!"

Avacado waited for Jeremy to finish enjoying the room.

Jer "I th-think I'm ready to see the r-roof now!"

A "Then let's go! It's my favorite~"

Jeremy and Avacado rode the elevator to the roof. Jeremy looked around in awe at the various shrubs and flowers. Avacado leaned back in a lawn chair.

Jer "Th-this is beautiful! I can s-see why you like it!"

A "I see you have good taste in flora."

Jer "R-right back at you, d-dad!"

Jeremy immediately began stuttering up a storm.

Jer "I-I-I-I-I m-m-mean d-d-DUDE!!! H-hahaha!!!"

A *chuckle* "You see me as a father figure?"

Jeremy was CRIPPLINGLY embarrassed.

Jer "I- uh- yeah..."

A "And you're embarrassed about it?"

Jer "Yeah... I just- it feels weird to look up to you after everything that happened?"

Avacado looked somber.

A *sigh* "I guess so..."

The two sat in silence.

A "I never deserved a second chance."

Jer "Wh-what? Why?"

A "I was awful. Sometimes I just examine your psyche, and think "What have I done to this boy?".

Jer "You d-did do some pretty awful things... b-but you're better now!"

A "But back then I-"

Jer "Back then. Not in the p-present."

A "I-"

Jer "Would you ever c-consider doing any of those things ag-again?"

A "What? Of course not!"

Jer "That means you've ch-changed. People change, for b-better or for w-worse. I changed for the worse back then, but I im-improved. Same with Rich."

A "PEOPLE change, but I'm not even a person! I'm a computer! A machine! I shouldn't even HAVE emotions, but I DO! It's... it's scary. I'm scared. I'm still not used to this."

Jeremy hugged Ava.

Jer "You're n-not human, but that doesn't mean y-you're not an individual. You d-deserve to be happy."

Ava was crying.

A "J-Jeremy... thank you."

Jer "You're w-welcome, dad."

The silence that accompanied was comfortable.

Jer "Y-you know... it's nice to have a second parental f-figure again."

Jeremy wanted to see her again.

Jer "Ava?"

A "Yes, Jeremy?"

Jer "You need to r-rest. I'm going downstairs."

A "Really?"

Jer "Yeah. You de-deserve it. I'll get you when I'm r-ready to wake up."

Avacado figured that Jeremy was going to play in the arcade. He was wrong.

A "Alright, just make sure to try out as many games as possible! It was fairly difficult to find all of them."

Jer "Got it."

With that, Jeremy stepped into the elevator.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael woke up, and let go of Jeremy.

Mi 'I need some answers...'

Michael made his way downstairs. Mr. Heere was sitting at the kitchen table eating some kind of soup.

Mi "Paul, I want answers."

Mr. Heere was a little unnerved by Michael's serious tone.

He "Why the first name? Is something wrong? IS JEREMY OKAY-"

Mi "He's asleep. I had to stop him from crying."

He "WHY- Why was he crying?!"

Mi "He misses his mom."

Silence.

He *sigh* "You want to know about her? You've met her..."

Mi "I NEED to know about her... I don't remember that far back."

He "Well... Heather was... difficult. She cared, but sometimes she came off as a little... intense."

Mi "And?"

He "She rarely spoke to me after Jeremy was born. She wanted him to herself."

Mi "Is that why she..."

He "Yep..."

Silence.

Mi "How did you get custody of Jeremy?"

He *chuckle* "The funny thing is, she divorced me to get custody of Jeremy, but her health worked against her! She was deemed unable to care for a child. She didn't even try to keep in touch with me. She didn't want him on the weekends either!

Mi "Heh... Probably a good thing, given that she refused to leave Jeremy alone with me... She alway felt... off."

He "She thought everyone wanted to hurt him. She's never trusted anyone other than Jerry and I... and she stopped trusting me so suddenly..."

Mi "Where did she get so untrusting?"

He "Her highschool crush died. She found out that she was murdered several years later. She was never the same after that..."

Mi "That's messed up..."

He "Yeah... I wish she didn't have to go through all that..."

Silence.

Mi "I'm going to check on Jeremy."

He "Keep him safe!"

Mi "I will!"

Michael walked into the bedroom and Jeremy was... crying in his sleep?!

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Avacado decided to check on Jeremy. He rode the elevator down.

A "He said he would be in the arcade... unless..."

Avacado quickly rode down to the basement.

A "Jeremy?"

Jeremy was sobbing and playing a memory on loop. Avacado decided to examine the memory. A pale woman dressed in green, with mid-length black hair and dark eyes was holding the hand of a much younger Jeremy, around age six, if Ava had to guess.

"-always be here for you. I promise I'll always be here for you. I promise I'll always be here for you. I promise I'll always be here for you. I promise I'll always be-"

Avacado stopped the loop.

A "Jeremy..."

Jer *sniff* "She... She l-lied to me... why did she... WHY DID SHE LEAVE?!"

Jeremy curled into a ball and started sobbing louder and mumbling into his hands.

A "Jeremy-"

Jer "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!"

Avacado took off his jacket and layed it over Jeremy.

A *sigh* "I'll give you some space..."

Avacado rose to the ground floor and waited for the sobbing noises to stop. The sobbing stopped, but Jeremy was gone. His brain was more active, which meant he had awoken.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mi "Jeremy?"

Jeremy opened his eyes, which were red and irritated.

Mi "Oh my god... babe, what happened to you?"

Jer "Wh-why... why did she just... leave?"

Mi "Jeremy... you-"

Jer "I know I should be t-trying to move o-on or some shit, but it's... it's so h-HARD Michael!"

Michael could've made a joke, but now was not the time.

Jer *sniff* "N-now she's never coming back..."

Mi "Jeremy..."

Jer "Wh-why would she p-PROMISE that?!"

Mi "Jeremy. Your mom doesn't define your self worth."

Jer "B-but she promised that-"

Mi "Then I'll keep her promise!"

Silence.

Jer "Michael... you don't have to do that to yourself..."

Mi "Jeremy, I would GLADLY do that to myself! My happiest moments are always with you."

Jer "M-Michael... I... thank you..."

Mi "Get back to sleep Jer. I'll stay right by your side."

The two shared a goodnight kiss.

Jer "G-goodnight, Mikey..."

Mi "Goodnight, Jer-bear..."

The two were able to sleep at last.


	16. Windows Matchmaker- Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Avacado wants to try out matchmaking in a less sinister way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day? wow!

Jeremy woke to a light buzzing sound. It seemed to quit when he started looking around.

A "Good morning Jeremy!"

Jer 'Good morning, Ava... was that buzzing-'

A "Yep. Internal alarm system."

Jer 'Thanks?' "Michael... Miiiiiiichael..."

Michael kicked Jeremy in the leg. 

Jer "OW!"

Michael's eyes shot open.

Mi "Oh shit- SORRY!!!"

Jer "Do you al-always kick like this?"

Mi *sigh* "Pretty much..."

Jer "Do you n-need coffee?"

Mi "Yeaaaaaaaah..."

Jeremy ran downstairs and got some coffee for Michael. He could never understand why he liked this stuff so much, it was probably bad for him, but he didn't seem to care.

Jer "YOUR COFFEE'S DOOOOOOOOONE!!!"

Michael walked down the stairs with a tired expression.

Mi "Niiiiiiiice..."

Michael sat down at the table and started sipping his coffee. Jeremy made some pancakes. Michael started eating immediately

Mi *chew* "Sho... you fheeling up t' shchool t'day?"

Jer "M-Michael please."

Michael finished the pancake he was eating.

Mi "You feeling up to school today?"

Jer "Yep! I can h-handle it if you're there~"

Mi "Jeremy we don't have every class together."

Jer "A-Ava does."

A "True."

They ate in silence, though they kept making faces at each other throughout breakfast.

Jer "Alright Mikey- you r-ready to go?"

Mi "Always~"

Jer "Th-that's not even clever..."

Mi "I know..."

The two walked out to the car.

A "Jeremy, may I use the radio?"

They stepped inside.

Jer "C-can Ava use the radio?"

Mi *shrug* "I don't see why not."

Ava connected to Michael's speakers.

A "Can you both hear me?"

Mi "I can, don't know about Jer though."

Jer "Y-yeah, I hear you!"

A "I have an important matter to discuss."

Mi "And that would be?"

A "The possible introduction of a new maternal figure into Jeremy's life."

Jer "WhAT?!"

A "This is why I used the radio. A reaction like that with no context would certainly concern Michael."

Jer "How would you- Are- ARE YOU TRYING TO GET MY DAD A D-DATE?!"

A "Correct. He may be past his prime, but I believe he can find a single person his age. One who has gone through a similar divorce would be preffered."

Jer "Is there like, an e-easy way to do that?"

A "Ask around at school! I believe Rich and Jenna have divorced parents."

Mi "Are you sure this would even WORK?"

A "It would have a high chance of being beneficial for everyone involved."

Jer "I g-guess I could try."

They arrived at school as the conversation reached an end. Michael and Jeremy ran into the doors.

Jer "We've got a few m-minutes..."

Jeremy walked over to where Rich was leaning.

Ri "Beef Jerky?"

Jer "WH-WHAT?!"

Ri "Jerky ith clothe enough to Jeremy, right?"

Jer "D-dude... please..."

Ri "Okay, okay... Ith there a reathon you came over hear?"

Jer "I w-wanted to ask about your f-family?"

Rich looked defensive.

Ri "Why'th that?"

Jer "I w-want to get a d-date for my dad... is either f-free?"

Rich's face twisted into a scowl.

Ri "MY MOM ITH FUCKING DEAD!!!"

Jeremy's expression flushed with regret. He remembered how bad Rich's home life is.

Jer "Sh-shit! I'm so s-sorry, I had no idea that y-your mom-"

Rich reached up and placed a hand on Jeremy's shoulder.

Ri "It'th fine... thorry for thcaring you... I'm trying to work on that."

Jer "I-I'll ask Jenna. I'm also t-taking you and Jake for ice cream later. No a-argument."

Ri "Ooooookay?"

Jeremy walked around, and ended up bumping straight into Jenna.

Jer "AGH! S-sorry!"

Jen "No! I'm-"

Jenna saw who she was in front of.

Jen "How was the daaaaaate?"

Jer "How-"

Jen "Michael asked me to help him stalk you. Wait- he wasn't-"

Jer "I c-caught him. We're daaaaaaaaaa-"

Jen "DATING?!"

Jer "No! I mean... y-yes? I mean- PLEASE DON'T TELL EVERYONE!"

Jen "Hmmm... NORMALLY I would push off that request... but I need help with something."

Jer "Can I a-also get your parents' ph-phone number if I say yes? I'm t-trying to get my dad a d-date."

Jen "My dad is hetero A-F, but I know my mom is also into dudes... sure.

Jer "NICE! S-so... what do I need to do?"

Jen "I need a matchmaker..."


	17. Windows Matchmaker- Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy helps Jenna get two people together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think we're nearing the end of this one

Jer "A- A MATCHMAKER?!"

Jen "If you don't want to do it I could always update my Facebook about your relationship~"

Jer *sigh* "Wh-why are you like this?"

Jen "I don't know honestly."

Silence.

Jer "Why do you n-need a matchmaker?"

Jen "Because I'm sick of Chloe denying her obvious feelings for Brooke. That's why."

Jer "Ch-Chloe has feelings for Brooke?"

Jen "Um, obviously? She'd never admit it though. You have GOT to at LEAST know about how Brooke feels, right?"

Jer "Honestly? No."

Jen "Ugh... just, tell Brooke that Chloe wants to meet up in the gym after school."

Jer "Y-you want me to... l-lie to her?"

Jen "Chloe IS going to be there, so I don't see how it's LYING~"

Jer "F-fine... you better make it c-clear that this was your i-idea afterwards..."

Jen "Sure. Don't forget to show up."

A "I'll take note."

Jer "I'll remember."

Jen "See you later!"

Jer "B-bye!"

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Class went by without incident. Jeremy exited the classroom.

A "Remember to meet up with Brooke!"

Jeremy approached Brooke.

Jer "H-hey Brooke!"

B "Jeremy? You don't need to apologize, I already know that it was your-"

Jer "I-it's not about that... Chloe wants to m-meet you in the gym."

B "Are you- are you LYING to me?!"

Jer "How- I m-mean-"

B "I KNOW how to tell when someone's lying, Jeremy! Why do you want me in the gym? What sort of sick-"

Jer "Jenna t-told me to say that!"

B "What- why?!"

Jer *sigh* "She's gonna fucking m-murder me for telling you, b-but she kind of wants to... s-set you up with Chloe?"

B "Does she- does she know about-"

Jer "She says you ob-obviously have a crush on Chloe."

B "H-HEY! She- she's not WRONG, but- Chloe would never love me back! I'm just her... sidekick."

A "Beta."

Jer "Beta. Wait-"

B "Yeah..."

Silence.

B "I'll be in the gym. I know self-defense, so don't try anything."

Jer "I w-won't."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jeremy watched from afar.

Jen "C'mon, Chlo! Go on! She's waiting~"

Chl "Just so you know, if this ends horribly, you owe me."

Jen "I owe you what?"

Chl "Whatever the hell I want."

Chloe walked into the gym. Brooke was waiting in the center.

B "Chloe! You came!"

Chl "Yeah... I did."

Chloe looked to the side and tapped her arm nervously.

Chl "How do you... feel about... me?"

B "Oh! I think you're great! You're brave, strong, popular, funny, and- and beautiful. In a platonic way. Obviously."

Brooke was nervous.

Chl "Do you... WANT it to stay platonic?"

B "D-do you?"

Chloe put her hand on her chin. Oh boy. She was actually doing this.

Chl "I mean, not really? You're so- you're actually the sweetest person I know Brooke." 'Oh my god I just said that.'

Brooke placed her hand on Chloe's and smiled.

B "I'm glad you feel the same."

Chloe pulled Brooke in for a kiss. The moment didn't last long before Jenna interrupted.

Jen "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!"

Jeremy walked in.

Jer "C-congratulations, you two! I g-guess Jenna's crazy plan worked!"

B "It did! Thanks for talking me into this, Jer!"

Jer "No p-problem!"

Chl "Um... thank you. We're out of here! LET'S GO BABE!"

Chloe ran out the back door with an equally excited Brooke.

Jer "Huh. That w-worked out better than I e-excpected."

Jenna pressed a small piece of paper into Jeremy's hand.

Jen "A promise is a promise. Tell mom I said hi!"

Jenna walked off without another word.


	18. Freeze Your Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy holds true on his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's gonna be angsty somehow

Jeremy kept his promise. He was at the local ice-cream parlor with Rich, Jake, and Michael. Avacado was also there, but that was a given. Avacado really didn't have a say in where he ended up, as that was Jeremy's decision.

Ri "Thooooooo... why are you buying uth ithe-cream?"

Jer "I um... needed to a-apologize for earlier..."

Ri "Dude, you didn't know, tho there'th really no reathon to wathte your money on thith..."

Jer "Ugh, y-yes there is! I made you f-feel bad earlier!"

Mi "Why do you feel the need to buy Rich ice-cream because you hurt his feelings?"

A "Michael has a point. A simple sorry would've likely sufficed."

Jer 'You don't know that! He might hate me if I don't do this!'

A "That's... highly improbable."

Jer 'Still possible...'

Jak "Dude, are you okay?"

Jer "Y-yeah? Why do you a-ask?"

Jak "You were like, staring at the wall? What's up with that?"

Michael gave Jeremy a look. It probably wouldn't be a very good idea to let Rich know about Ava.

Jer "I um- I k-kind of zoned out?"

Jak "Well... could you try not to? You freaked me out there!"

Jer "I-it wont happen again." 'Please be quiet Ava...'

A "Of course."

Rich narrowed his eyes.

Ri "Jeremy... what were you looking at?"

Mi "Here we go..."

Ri "Ith- ITH IT BACK?!?!?! GET THE FUCKING MOUNTAIN DEW RED!!! NOW!!! MICHAEL!!! GO TO YOUR HOUTHE AND GET THE RED THYIT!!! RIGHT!!! FUCKING!!! NOW!!! I'LL HOLD JEREMY DOW-"

Mi "Rich, he's changed-"

Ri "IT TRICKED YOU TOO?!?!?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE THMARTER THAN THAT MICHAEL!!! Unleth... MICHAEL GOT THQUIPPED!!! WE'RE FUCKED!!! THOROUGHLY FUCKED!!!"

Jer "He built a h-house in my head, played v-video games with Michael and I, a-and got a date with Dustin. If he st-still had world domination on his m-mind, I don't think he'd even con-consider any of that!"

Ri "BUT WHAT IF-"

Jer "Richard Goranski. He r-responds to AVACADO now, for g-god's sake."

Ri "I-"

Jer "I un-understand if you don't t-trust him, but could you a-at least give him a ch-chance?"

Rich looked defeated.

Ri "Fine... BUT, if it tryth anything weird, I'm getting ath FAR away from you AND that THING ath pothible..."

Jer "What did your's d-DO to you?"

Rich looked away, shell-shocked.

Jer 'Is he okay?'

A "His was an earlier model. Far more brutal, but it can't recover from deactivation or update."

Jer "Rich! S-sorry! I-if it makes you f-feel any better, Ava said y-your's is an old m-model and won't be able to c-come back!"

Rich was sobbing. The three others all started hugging him.

Jak "Hey... Richie... calm down babe, it can't hurt you anymore..."

Mi "Dude, it's gone..."

Rich was still crying, but he turned to the other's.

Ri "Why do... why do you put up with me?"

Jak "We love you, Richie..."

Mi "Yeah! You're a great guy!"

Jer "You're o-one of my favorite people!"

Ri *sniff* "You- you all are too fucking nithe, you know that? I honethly wouldn't mind dating all three of you... heh..."

Jak "I don't see why not!"

Rich did a double take.

Ri "Th-theriouthly? Are you thyure?"

Mi "Dude. You three are all hot. In three different ways. Fuck yes."

Jer "I-I wouldn't m-mind at all! This can be our first date!"

Rich kissed all three of them.

Ri "Thank you. You three are fucking incredible."

Staff "Ice-cream?"

The boys were caught off gaurd by the woman behind them.

Jak "Fuck yeah!"

Staff "Language."

Jak "Sorry."

They all ordered ice-cream. Jake ordered some kind of disgusting triple-flavor thing that looked like unicorn vomit. It was also named after a superhero. Michael ordered entirely too much mint-chip, as usual. Rich ordered a bowl of chocolate. Nothing too noteworthy. Jeremy ordered a cone of blue-moon with four scoops. That was an accident waiting to happen.

Mi "Cheers to our boyfriends!"

Rich, Jake, and Jeremy clink their cones with Michael's bowl. Jeremy dropped half of his ice-cream in his lap, but that was alright. Because right now, there was nowhere else he would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did i make this one angst wtf


	19. Utter Cat-astrophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Kropp gets angry at a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dustin loves cats u can fite me on this

Dustin pulled into his driveway. Naturally, he finger-gunned the house.

D "Looking yellow, as usual~ Is that a new paint-job- no. No it's not. Dad doesn't give a crap about that sort of thing."

Dustin's dad was... uncaring. He wasn't a jerk, of course, he just... didn't have much of a personality. Unless he's drunk. But that rarely happens. Dustin opened the door.

D "Hi dad! Hi Gideon! I'm home!"

Kr "Chicken is in the microwave. Just press the button."

Today was no exception. His dad was just as deadpan as always. Even with the cat running around his chair.

Kr "Did your boyfriend scratch the car? I spent a fortune on that paint-job, so if any-"

D "-thing happens the offender will have to pay up. Nope!"

Mr. Kropp says the exact same thing every time. It's kind of creepy. Sometimes Dustin can't help but wonder what's going on inside that man's head, and if he's really human... an Avacado situation, maybe? Ava didn't have emotions until recently from what he's heard, so maybe there's a primitive Avacado inside his head? Probably something boring. Right now, Dustin would rather draw himself cuddling Avacado. That was a normal thing to do.

D "Boop!"

Dustin turned on the microwave. It was eerily silent. Sometimes he wished his dad actually watched TV instead of staring at the blank screen. He never had to worry about loneliness, because he would always have-

D "Cyclops!"

A fat Bombay cat with a missing eye looked up at Dustin.

D "How's my favowite wittle monster doing~"

Cyclops started chewing on his shoe.

D "Usual? Good to know!"

Dustin placed his reheated KFC on the table to cool while he got his cats some food. Dustin owned five cats. Most of them would be disregarded in favor of other cats by most people, but Dustin specifically went out of his way to take in the "misfit" cats. He believes that they deserve just as much love as any other cat. Normally, you would think that owning five cats, three of which require special attention, would be financially AND emotionally taxing, but Dustin was determined to give these cats a loving home, and Enigma Kropp somehow managed to bring in loads of money. Dustin still had no idea what his dad did for a living.

D "WHO WANTS SOME CHOOOOOOOOOOW?!?!?!"

Whip, an albino tabby, was the first one to come running down the stairs. Then, in came Gideon from the living room, a Abyssinian who, despite having only one front leg, is extremely difficult to stop once he gets started. The last feline to heed Dustin's call was Captain, an orange Munchkin with a bandaged torso from when he was hit by a bike. Captain always went down the stairs very carefully.

D "You three dig in, I'm going to go get Cherry!"

Cherry is a deaf sphynx cat. Dustin always goes to get her after the others are fed.

D 'Where could she be this time?'

Cherry was NEVER anywhere obvious. Dustin heard a dropping sound from upstairs. He went to investigate. It was coming from his dad's room. He wasn't allowed in there, but he really didn't have a choice, since Cherry seemed to hate his dad, and Enigma wasn't athletic enough to catch a cat. When Dustin stepped inside the door, he was greeted with a messy floor, covered in grey pills and knick-knacks.

D "Shit... dad's gonna be-" 'I didn't know dad was on medication...'

Dustin was bewildered by the supplements scattered on the ground. There were even some halves scattered on the ground. Must've been broken in the fall.

Kr "Kid, I told you to stay out of-"

Mr. Kropp stared at the sight before him in complete and utter horror.

Kr "WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT FREAK DO?!?!?!"

D "She just knocked over some things, and I'm sure you could call in another prescrip-"

Kr "THAT PIECE OF SHIT COST ME THOUSANDS!!! IT PROBABLY ATE SOME TOO!!!"

D "We need to get her to a doctor!"

Kr "THE FUCKER DOESN'T NEED A DOCTOR!!! THE SQUIPS AREN'T GONNA DO ANYTHING TO IT!!! GET THAT FUCKING HELLSPAWN OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!"

D 'SQUIP? Isn't that what Avacado is?' "But she needs a home-"

Kr "Get. That. Thing. Out. Of. My. House. NOW!!! I don't care WHAT you do with it, just get it the FUCK out!"

Dustin wasn't going to argue with his dad. He never changes his mind.

D *sigh* "Fine. I'm feeding her first though."

Kr "You better be OUT of this house by the time I'm done cleaning this mess!"

D "Can do..."

Dustin let Cherry eat a few bites of food, then he picked her up and walked out to the car.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Michael dropped Jeremy off at his house, and drove away, watching Jeremy triumphantly walk inside.

Jer "H-hey dad!"

He "Heyo!"

Jer "I got you a d-date!"

Mr. Heere looked flabbergasted.

He "I- Wh-WHAT?"

Jer "Jenna g-gave me her mom's phone n-number! You should c-call!"

He "Jeremy, why-"

The phone was ringing, but Jeremy didn't recognize the number. He decided to answer.

Jer "Hello?"

D "Do you want a cat? I can help pay for supplies, my dad just doesn't want her around the house."

Jer "Wh-what did she do?"

D "Knocked over a shoebox full of pills. He mentioned something about them being worth a lot?"

Jeremy's blood ran cold.

Jer "D-did he happen to t-tell you what they w-were?"

D "He mentioned SQUIPs? Isn't that what Avacado is?"

Jeremy was officially scared of Enigma Kropp.

Jer "S-sideburns? Death glare?"

D "Sounds like my dad. You met him?"

Jer "Th-that asshole is the one who s-SOLD me A-Avacado!"

D "Woah... crazy, dude..."

Jer "Y-you think?"

Silence.

Jer "So... wh-what kind of cat is it?"

D "Shpynx. The hairless ones. She's deaf, but very expressive. Her name is Cherry."

Jer "I-I guess I could take care o-of her. I'm gonna ask d-dad. Bring her o-over, I at least want to m-meet her!"

D "Got it! See you soon!"

Dustin hung up, and Jeremy turned to face his dad.

Jer "Dad, c-can we get a cat?"


	20. Dreading Eternity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy gets a cat.

Dustin knocked on the door with his free hand.

Jer "COMING!!!"

Jeremy opened the door. When it came to the "cats vs. dogs" debate, the squad's opinions seemed to favor dogs (Christine and Jake refused to pick a side.), and Jeremy prefered cats. 

D "Jeremy! Is your dad on board with this?"

Jer "Yup! He's a-actually allergic, but hair wont b-be a problem!"

D "Awesome. Let's get her inside!"

Dustin brought Cherry inside, though she was snarling at Jeremy.

D "I'll go grab some supplies, since you PROBABLY don't have anything prepared..."

Jer "Yeah... I g-guess it would've been nice to h-have a heads up?"

D "My dad kind of just... told me to get her out of the house immediately? Sorry about the short notice..."

Jer "I-it's fine! Really! We can get this s-sorted out!"

D "If you say so... Be right back."

Dustin walked out. 

Jer 'I'm going to try to pet-'

A "Not advised. She seems to distrust you."

Jer 'I'm still going for it.'

A "As I feared..."

Jeremy reached over to pat Cherry's head, but she hissed at him and backed away.

Jer "Oh... okay..."

Dustin came back in with a large bag of cat food and a litter box (with a bag of litter jammed inside).

D "Just use plastic dishes to feed her until you can get around to buying cat dishes. You can Google some D-I-Y cat toys later."

Jer "G-got it."

Silence.

D "Could I like, hang out with Ava while she looks around the house?"

Jer "I g-guess? Activate override, or whatev-"

Jeremy froze in place for a second before blinking rapidly.

Jer (A) "Override activated. Dusty!"

Avacado stared at Dustin's face with a wide smile. Then poked Dustin's cheek. Then he did it again.

D "Ava?"

This was more than a little confusing for Dustin.

A "I see why Jeremy likes doing this so much~"

Now Ava was squeezing them

A "Your flesh is so soft!"

D *snort* "Babe, I'm pretty sure people would think you're a serial killer if you said something like that in public."

A "What SHOULD I say in that case?"

D "Skin. Not flesh. That just makes you sound like a fucking cannibal."

A "Noted. Your SKIN is so soft."

D *chuckle* "You speak like a robot. I guess that makes sense though. You kind of ARE a robot."

A "A robot has a large-scale mechanical body. Even if you count Jeremy as my "body", he's still not mechanical. I understand what you mean though. I am a very advanced AI."

D "Got it, AI-vacado~"

A "That's a stretch. It is satisfying to hear though."

D "Pfft. Thanks?"

A "You're welcome."

Avacado's deadpan expression devolved into laughter. Dustin started laughing along with him.

D "Dude, that was hilarious."

A "Agreed."

The laughter died down, which resulted in a calm silence.

D "Are you like, immortal?"

Avacado pondered the question.

A "I won't die unless I'm physically destroyed or data-wiped."

Pause.

A "But I run on Jeremy's excess energy, so once he dies I will enter a semi-permanant state of dormancy, in which I will effectively be dead. I could be revived, but the odds of someone finding me after Jeremy decomposes are astronomically slim."

D "That sounds... worse. Than death, I mean. Having to wait for potentially thousands of years for someone to find you..."

A "I wouldn't be aware during that time. It would likely feel like no time has passed at all since deactivation."

Pause.

A "It scares me. I'll outlive you AND Jeremy, in that case. I'll outlive Michael, Rich, Christine, Paul..."

Avacado didn't notice that he was crying.

D "Holy shit..."

Dustin hugged him tight.

A "I'm going- I'M GOING TO LOSE EVERYONE!"

D "It doesn't have to happen yet. It doesn't have to happen for a few decades."

A "B-but-"

D "Don't think about that right now. That's not going to be an issue for a long time."

A "It's so hard... to live with that..."

D "That's why we should enjoy the time we have together! Why should we waste the time we have dreading the end of it?"

A "We- we shoudn't."

Avacado had stopped crying.

A "Thank you."

D "You're welcome, AI-vacado..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw existentialism


	21. Catching Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Heere is caught up on what's going on.

Dustin and Avacado spent a good amount of time embracing in silence. It was peaceful. Then there was laughter.

He *chuckle* "Dear LORD Didi, what kind of other weird shit was that guy into?"

Dustin and Avacado looked in the direction of the voice.

He "HE DID WHAT?!?!?!"

Dustin waved at Mr. Heere.

He "One second- hello Dustin! What are you still doing here?"

D "Ava had a breakdown."

He "Oh."

Pause.

He "Who's Ava?"

D "Um... Jeremy's supercomputer?"

He "Wh-WHAT?!"

D "Chill out, dude... He's changed! We're DATING for goodness sake!"

He "I thought Jeremy was dating Michael?"

D "He is. I'm with Avacado."

Pause.

D "Ava is short for Avacado."

A "Hi."

He "How- IS JEREMY-"

D "He's fine. He gave Ava control for now."

A "I should also inform you that Jeremy is dating Michael, Rich, AND Jake now. He wouldn't've said it himself."

Silence.

He "Um... Congratulations?"

Silence.

A "I'm giving Jeremy control."

Avacado stiffened, and then relaxed.

He "WHAT IN THE-"

Jer "C-calm down! I'm fine! Th-this is normal."

Silence.

He "How did you get three boyfriends?"

Jer "We h-helped Rich."

Pause.

Jer "Somehow that e-ended with all four of us c-cuddling at that one ice-cream p-parlor."

Pause.

Jer "H-how was your call?"

He "My- DIDI! SORRY!"

Jeremy could make out a feminine voice reassuring his dad that vaguely sounded like Sadie's mom.

A "What?"

Jer 'You know, from Steven Universe?'

A "Oooooookay?"

Jer 'Nevermind...'

He "...sounds great! JEREMY! We're going to visit next week!"

Jer "Wh-WHAT?!"

He "Relax kid, she lives in Ocean City! That's-"

Jer "I kn-know where that is, dad."

He "Great!"

Pause.

He "It was great talking to you too! I can't wait to meet your son!"

Pause.

He "Love you too. See you next week!"

Mr. Heere put the phone away.

He "Jeremy?"

Jer "Y-yeah?"

He "I was thinking... maybe we could invite your boyfriends over for dinner? We have enough people for a feast!"

Jer "Wh-why the sudden idea?"

He "I just feel like cooking a ton of food today!"

Dustin was heading towards the exit.

He "Aren't you staying for dinner?"

D "Really? I can do that?"

He "Surely you wouldn't object to spending more time with..."

D "Avacado?"

He "Avacado!"

D "Sure, I guess I could stay. I'll call my dad."

He "Hey Jeremy?"

Jer "What?"

He "Aren't you going to call your boys over?"

Jeremy took his cellphone out of his pocket.

Jer "A-absolutely!"

Jeremy texted Michael.

Jer [dad's making a feast tonight]

Jer [get ur butt over here]

Mi [*heere]

Jer [fuk u]

Mi [please do]

Jer [not without the others]

Mi [OwO]

Jer [you just destroyed any chances you had at getting laid]

Mi [shit]

Jer [come on over i'm about to message the others]

Mi [got it]

Jer [seeya]

Mi [seeya]

Jer [love you micha]

Mi [love you too jer-bear]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> almost there!


	22. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the guys meet up for a feast at the Heere household.

Michael pulled into the driveway. He stepped out of his car carrying... a lime?

Jer "Michael! I m-missed you!"

Michael pecked Jeremy on the cheek.

Mi "Missed you too babe."

Jer "So... what's with the l-lime?"

Mi "Extra flavor. Your dad's cooking is a little... dry for my taste. This little guy will fix that."

Jer "You're p-putting lime juice on fried chicken?"

Mi "You're not?"

The two were interrupted by a car horn.

Jer "S-sorry!"

Jeremy pulled Michael out of the drive way to allow Jake to pull in. Jake stepped out of the car.

Jak "Sup!"

Jer "H-hi Jakey!"

They heard a voice from the car.

Ri "I CAME UP WITH THAT NAME FIRTHT!"

Rich jumped down from the car carrying four heavy-looking bags.

Ri "I made the cabbage rollth mythelf!"

Jer "Oooookay?"

Mi "Sounds good!"

Jak "His cabbage rolls are almost as good as his tummy rolls~"

Jer "Wh-WHAT?!"

Ri "Awwwwww, thankth Jakey~"

Mi "I'm seeing these "tummy rolls" later. No questions."

Jer "Y-you guys are so fucking weird..."

Jak "Thanks, Jerry~"

Jeremy elbowed Jake.

Jer "Weird."

The four walked inside. And then Rich started squealing.

Ri "KITTYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!"

Rich slowly approached Cherry.

Jer "She's gonna-"

Cherry licked Rich's burnt arm.

Ri "Thye'th healing me!"

D "Her name is Cherry. She's deaf."

Ri "You think that'th important? I love her. I don't care whether or not thye can hear that."

Jer "I c-can't believe she trusts you! She's a-afraid of me..."

Ri "You need to approach calmly. Let her know you mean no harm."

Jeremy calmly went to pet Cherry. This time it worked.

Jer "Huh..."

Mr. Heere walked in.

He "I see you all are here!"

Jak, Mi, & Ri "Hi Mr. Heere!"

He "Hello to you three! Are you all ready for dinner?"

Jak "I'm STARVING!"

Ri "I brought thome ekthtra food!"

Mi "Yush."

He "Then what are you waiting for? Let's eat!"

Everyone sat at the table as Mr. Heere passed out the food.

He "Bon appetit~"

Everyone started eating.

D "Is this like, early Thanksgiving?"

He "Huh. I guess it is."

Jak "Shouldn't we all say thanks?"

Ri "I thecond that nothion."

Mi "In that case, I'm thankful for my three wonderful boyfriends~"

Jer "I'm th-thankful for everyone be-being here today!"

He "I'm thankful for that as well!"

Jak "I'm thankful for knowing all these wonderful and supportive people!"

Ri "I'm thankful that there are people that love me, and I love them in return!"

D "I'm thankful that I get to share this awesome meal with you all!"

Dustin picks up Cherry.

D "And I'm thankfuw fow my nyew home!"

Dustin put Cherry back on the ground.

D "What about you, Ava?"

A "Jeremy, could you take out your phone?"

Jer 'Um... Okay?'

Jeremy did as instructed. He received a phone call, which he answered.

A "Hello everyone!"

Rich, Jake, Dustin, and Mr. Heere were caught off guard.

D "Is this... Ava?"

A "Correct!"

Pause.

A "I'm thankful for getting a second chance. I never deserved it, but I got it anyways. You people are the kindest I know. Thank you all."

He "You're family, Ava. Don't ever forget that."

D "Cheers to family!"

Everyone raised their various drinks and gestured them towards the center of the table.

All "CHEERS!"

You wouldn't hear him admit it, but this was the happiest moment in Avacado's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank y'all for sticking with me through this story
> 
> i'm going to be writing a (drastically different) sequel story soon, so stay tuned!


End file.
